Reminders......

Over the years, I've tried to stay committed to reading devotionals...or at least open scripture on a regular basis. I veer off from time to time...go through spurts of avoiding and neglecting this important piece of my relationship and connection with God...but the past couple of weeks I've been on a roll.

I started with a daily devotional that I was given when I left my last job. Very worthy and good stuff. Digging into the word and giving me little bits to chew on.  Very recently though...I switched to Tony Evans...his podcast at the Urban Alternative and also began 30 Days of Marriage Prayers. There's always a verse and then an actual prayer written out...to read aloud or to yourself...asking God for His guidance.

Yesterday the topic was conflict in marriage.  And being one part of a marriage where quarrels (a nice way of saying arguments which is a nice way of saying fights) are too often and too ugly...I read and reread this prayer.

There was so much truth in the words that Dr. Tony Evans wrote.  So much that my husband and I do our best to have as our best intentions...but far too often fall short of.  What stuck out...and what
has been resonating in my spirit the past 24 hours were these words:

'God we ask that you replace quarreling with compassion and resentment with joy. We are fully aware that arguments and dissension serve as distractions for the enemy to use to prevent us from resting in Your unending peace. At times when we desire to handle it ourselves, we ask that Your Holy Spirit would remind us to leave our conflict at Your feet and seek you for resolve.'

I crave peace and yet far too often I harbor ill will. I desire closeness and yet far too often I put up a wall.  I know I need supernatural love to cover my marriage and yet far too often I shut out God's truths because of stubbornness.

Psalm 139:23 & 24. Psalm 139: 23 & 24. Psalm 139: 23 & 24.


Then, today....

Today I listened to a podcast by Laura Doyle.  I am not particularly a fan of hers....but the topic was striking to me, 'A Proven Framework for Renewed Intimacy with your Man'.  To be honest, I half tuned in because I thought it would be a little comical.  Proven framework?  But as I listened...there was so much there that was pertinent to me. Most things that I already knew, but still so important to remember.

I need to know and name my fear.  And then I need to allow the Holy Spirit to take my fear. Not all fears are irrational, but regardless of if they are rational or irrational, if I am operating out of fear...I will not have peace.  And neither will he.

I need to remember that my husband is not a mind reader and I need to let him know my deepest darkest desires and dreams.  I can be honest and say, 'I would love....' and then state clearly what it is.  Not things like affection or attention or feelings...but things that I want accomplished or need help with.  I would love to eat dinner. I would love to take a nap. I would love a cup of coffee to stay awake. 

I need to remember who I am. I am fun and light. I am easily pleased. I like to smile. I enjoy laughing. I must make self care a priority and not allow myself to become depleted.  These things still remain and when I find myself in dark worried places, I must hold onto those truths.

Maybe you have felt alone.  Worried.  Fearful.

Maybe you have lost your peace. Dreams. Self.

Maybe you have put the blame on your husband for these things.
Maybe you have focused on the things you are missing. 
Maybe you have forgotten that you are cherished. Loved. Beautiful and precious. 
But you are those things.
And not because your husband thinks so or treats you as such. 
You are because your Holy Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Alpha and Omega
SAYS THAT YOU ARE.  And He says that I am too.

And maybe like me, you need reminders from time to time. Wisdom from that directs us back to our best selves which in turn allows us to share our best selves with the ones we love.

That's what I got today.