"I feel bad for their mom!"

You may know from my FB today that my family was woken up by a fight and argument between my neighbors that ended with one of the them yelling comments about hating "n***as" and etc. etc. etc.  Not a pleasant way to wake up.

My youngest son and I, who yes are somewhat nosy, watched from the window and tried to piece together what had happened.  It was unsettling to say the least but also not the first time that something like has occurred.

What struck me is the comment that my son made as the last squad car was driving away.

"You know who I feel bad for?"
"Who?"
"I feel bad for his mom!  I mean can you imagine your kid acting like that...and did you see, she was out there with him?  It would just be bad to know there was nothing you could do for your kid and he was just going to act all stupid like that."

Mercy.

I told him that mom's love their kids no matter what and that he is probably right, it probably does hurt her heart a lot and she probably wishes that there was something she could do. 

It stuck with me all day.  That comment.

Because in the midst of all the chaos we talked about how hard it was to hear everything that he was yelling.  And how we had to make ourselves stay in the house and not tell him to shut up using the 'n' word.  And how anger can just take over sometimes and make us do and say things we shouldn't.  And how cold and wet and silly he looked outside without shoes on at 5am.  In the midst of all of that...what stuck out to him was...

"I feel bad for his mom."

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

 ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write 

them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. 

It is imperative parents that we instill in our children devotion, obedience and love.  If you love the Lord...we must look for all the different ways we can pass that faith on so that our children can make it their own.  If you look at this passage, it is all right there for us.

...to be on your hearts...let the truth and love of the Word permeate your heart.  Let that love flow out of you to your family.

...impress them on your children...whether you are doing nothing or out and about be in communication with your kids, make sure you are talking and keeping the doors open.  Do they see you relying on Him?  Do they see you trusting Him?

...tie them as symbols and bind them...in our actions and in our minds let the goodness and truth of the Lord be reflected for our kids to see.  Do they see your actions and your thoughts focused on heavenly things?

...write them on the doorframes...is your house protected?  It is full of love?  Are you behaving in honorable ways?  Are you mindful of your language, what you watch, how you treat their father or mother, how you show love.  Do they find comfort there?

I don't know how or when my son learned to love others.  I don't know how or when he learned that it was right to care about how others are treated.  But I know that he has.  And I pray that these are lessons he continues to learn and share with the world around him. And I pray that God gives me and Marlon the strength and patience and obedience to always remember to keep this commandment.

"I feel bad for their mom!"

I could never have imagined.  God does good stuff.

That's what I got today.

 

G'head Weezy....

What are your goals?

If you're like me, you probably have a few different goals set.  Some might be those pie in the sky kind of goals...some might be long term goals like a bucket list of sorts and others might be goals that are set because of work or school or family dynamics.  Like to get through Christmas without boppin your cousin on the head.  Or to get through your child's terrible twos without losing all of your hair.

Tonight I saw one of my sons accomplish a goal that he just set last week.  And surpass his expectations.

Elijah is the kind of kid that will try anything once. So when he came home from track practice the other night and said, 'I'm running the 2 mile on Thursday', Marlon kind of laughed and I thought maybe he was taking a bet.  He's never run long distance.  As we neared tonight, I was half expecting him to come home one night and say, 'Changed my mind'.  But he didn't.

He was pushing himself during practice.  Marlon kept telling him not to talk in absolutes so that he wouldn't be disappointed.  I kept asking him if he was worried.  Yesterday he came home and ran around the river.  When Isaiah got home from a track meet he told him he probably shouldn't have done that; it's not good to do that before a meet.  I must admit it made me a little worried.  But he was determined.

He did his jumps today. And then had pretty much the entire meet to wait.  And I could see it in his eyes.  He was ready.  Then it was time.  

And he chopped away at those 20 laps like he was born to run distance.

If you know Elijah, you know he is a goofy kid.  Heeeee...lairrrrrr...iiiii....ussssss!!  He can put a smile on anyone's face....he says the most random stuff...he does not let a lot get to him.  Because of this, I think, he is often not taken seriously and I think many coaches and teachers don't invest in him the way they could.  Because he is one of THE most devoted and loyal kids I know, so if you ever got him locked in??  He'd be your ride or die.  I think people miss out by selling him short.

Tonight, tonight this boy was driven.  Determined.  And he delivered.

Watching him...seeing the focus on his face....believing that he was going to do this....I thought to myself, I'm watching him soar.

You know that moment parents, don't you?  We have it from time to time with our kids.  Not necessarily those big milestone soar moments like becoming a teenager, graduation, etc....but those off the cuff, unexpected moments when your heart swells at the sight of your child coming into their own.  Seeing them accomplish a task that was important to them.  And nail it.

He soared. 


G'head Weezy.


That's what I got today.

Sing, sing a song...

Many of you know how often I sing.  From a young age I've always loved music and been known to walk about singing just about anything!  There's quite the eclectic library of music in this brain of mine.  On a random day you might find me singing anything from Motown to Madonna to a show tune to Tupac to Donnie McClurkin.

Most often praise and worship songs permeate my mind.  And yes it is partly because I love that music and there's something powerful about raising your voice to God...but it is also because it keeps my mind set on things above and hanging on to the hope that this world is temporary and God is in control.

Consider this song.

I encourage you to listen to this song if you haven't heard it before.

The lyrics to this song...they so perfectly express my heart.

I have one of those hearts that hurt for others easily.  I have one of those hearts that feels deeply.  I have a broken heart.  It's been broken by my own rebellion, broken by unhealthy relationships and choices of my past, broken by heartache around me, by loved ones who are suffering...

So there is much truth in these lyrics for me:

I've gone through the fire
And I've been through the flood
I've been broken into pieces
Seen lightnin' flashin' from above
But through it all I remember
That He loves me...And He cares
And He'll never put more on me
Than I can bear

For me, there are heavy days.  Sometimes it almost seems too much to bear.  

And yet I know that it is not.  I know that there is nothing I have or will experience that He has not.  No pain.  No injustice.  No misunderstanding.  No judgment.  No heartache.

And that gives me insurmountable comfort.

And it gives me song.

And that song brings me to my knees.

As a believer in Jesus Christ...I know that I have a responsibility to live as authentically and obediently as I can to His truth.  But it's not to please others.  It's not to stand out as a "star".  It's not to convince people to be like me.  It's not to make God look good.  Believe me, He looks good IN SPITE of me, He does not need me for that.  

It's not my job to keep other people, including other believers happy.  It's not my job to "keep quiet" so that the "pot" isn't stirred.  It's not my job to always look the other way and pretend.

It's because I live for an audience of one.  And He is the One.

So it's not going to look like anyone else.  Because I have to speak when He says to speak.  And I have to be silent when He says to be silent.  I have to stand when He says to stand.  And I have to fight when He says to fight.  And I have to sing when He says to sing.

Because through the fire and flood, the brokenness around me, the storm that brews around me...He is there.

Praise God.  He is always there.  And that gives me song.

That's what I got today.

What is really goin on!?!

The other night an old high school acquaintance and I got into it on FB about the Trayvon Martin case.  Anyone who knows me knows that this case has been on my radar and tugs at every fiber of my social worker, momma bear and humanitarian heart.  Whatever you may or may not know or believe about the case...believe this.  Trayvon Martin did not deserve to die that night and his admitted killer should have been arrested.

I do not understand why people are so afraid to say that there are racial biases involved in this case.  Forget this case....this country.

I've never been afraid to "go there".  To say things that others are thinking but won't say.  To speak difficult words and not care if it makes someone "uncomfortable".  Why are we afraid of uncomfortable?  Isn't that part of the problem anyway?  Too many people want to pretend the problems aren't real because it really is something of the past that if we just let die it would go away.

Maybe it's because my husband is black and that makes 1/2 of my family black (I don't do inlaws--family is family) I see things differently?  Maybe it's because the majority of my adult life every job I've held has been in an office of predominantly black staff as well as predominantly black clientèle that I know stereotypes are so very often far from the truth.  Maybe it's because I love people and so I try to take individuals at face value.  I don't know.  But I believe one thing.  Trayvon Martin is dead because of fear and stereotypes and suspicion and ignorance.

Here is the raw, real truth.  And why the acquaintance the other day so angered me with her cold, inability to see the coin from the other side.

I think of any of my own sons.  Who are not perfect.  So if anyone "uncovered" their history they'd find a handful of poor choices.  Who have been suspended.  Who have been in fights.  Who have broken our rules from time to time.  But good kids.  Loving kids.  Fun kids with their futures ahead of them.  Silly brothers who pick on each other and also stick up for each other.  Who love sports and girls and friends.  Who eat skittles and drink Nestea and wear hoodies.  With the hoodies up.  Definitely when it's raining and even sometimes when it's not.  Who put their hands in their pants at times because they are just chillin.  Who have been taught to be aware of their surroundings.

I think of them walking home from the store alone.  They walk home from places.  That's normal teen stuff.  Marlon and I are always telling them-stay together, but walk with purpose, don't act foolishly, you are a group of young black boys so you have to be extra careful...people might say and do dumb stuff.  Don't react, keep walking, don't wrestle and do stuff that will draw attention to yourself.  I hate having to do that.  But it's the world we live in.  And it's reality.

Do all parents have conversations with their kids to be respectful and mature.  Yes, I'm sure.  But do they NEED to have the conversation so that they stay ALIVE?!?  I'm sure not.  It will never be a reality many of you will have to live.

But that doesn't mean it shouldn't scare and anger the heck outta you.

George Zimmerman not arrested means that it is okay to shoot and kill who we want based on our suspicions.  (that is if you even believe Trayvon looked suspicious because he was black and wearing a hoodie).  George Zimmerman not arrested means that the police are now deciding what laws are carried out and what laws are not.  (I'm sorry-I know a few officers who I most certainly do not want playing judge and jury)  George Zimmerman not arrested means that it is okay to play vigilante and really it's okay to dole out death sentences to people who don't look like they belong in a neighborhood.  George Zimmerman not being arrested means I have to explain yet again to my sons why they have to be so very extra careful in how they walk, carry themselves, dress.

The reason this case matters, other than the obvious reasons...is that it is one of those times in history when we can all do a self check, educate ourselves and choose love.

Self check.  Really think honestly and earnestly about what you think about this case.  What are your biases?  Do you think it's no big deal and wish people would stop talking about it?  Do you have anger toward white or black people because of it?  Where are your fears coming from if you have them?  If you aren't concerned-why?  If you think it doesn't affect you-why?  Do you have racist tendencies and maybe never realized it?  Do you find yourself slipping into sterotypical ideas about people before getting to know them?

Educate.  Racial profiling is real.  Shopping black is real.  Driving black is real. The great divide in our judicial system is real.  Find authors you respect and read up on both sides of the coin if you choose.  Listen to what people are saying.  Ask questions.  Admit shortcomings.  Learn.  It is not okay to be ignorant and play dumb.  This is not the time to play ostrich.

Love.  We can't allow hate to win.  Jesus has overcome and he has defeated death and sin.  Love doesn't mean being silent.  Love doesn't mean pretending things aren't happening.  Love is real and honest and has integrity and covers sin.  Love conquers.  But love, real love, is messy and dirty and involves ownership and forgiveness and acceptance.  Not tolerance.  Love. 

My heart is full and I know that from my heart I could write more.   But I can't because my soul is crying out and has nothing left to give.  It's always times like these that I fall to my knees and call out to Him.  He is my refuge and strength and I can't imagine living a day without Him.

Lord have mercy.

That's what I got today.

Compassion #2....Gettin dirty

Whenever something has been laid on my heart...it stays there for a moment.

That has been the case with compassion today.  Okay, I'm sure some of it occurred because I was home sick and had much time to think in between naps. :)  Nonetheless, my mind kept drifting back to compassion and what it really means to be moved to action.  To have the desire to alleviate someone else's pain.  If that doesn't involve material possessions or monetary gifts...what does it involve?

If we pull back the layers of how we usually help/give/share what's left.

Just us.

What do you have to give that is only of you?  I don't know what it might be for you.  I am not prideful enough to begin to imagine that I have all the answers.  I am not creative enough to think I could make an exhaustive list.  But.  I have love.  I have passion.  And I have a desire to die to myself everyday and seek out ways that I might make a change in this broken world for Him.  So I guess I'll share from there....here's 3 just to get you thinking...

1.  Get out of your comfort zone.  You might hear it said that it's good to serve where you are comfortable.  Everything isn't for everyone and that's why God made us different.  That might be true for some circumstances but using that to find a "safe" place to serve, I think, is simply a crutch and self-serving.  Isn't the point of selflessness giving until there is sacrifice?  If we only ever enter the areas where we are comfortable...are we really serving a most high God who equips us to do His work?  Be honest about your discomfort.  Be honest about not knowing what to do.  What to say.  Be honest about being afraid.  Be willing to say I don't know and I don't have the answers but I just knew that I needed to stand here with you.  I had a friend tell me once as we left a meeting that she knew what was just said wasn't "right" and didn't feel good but she wasn't quite sure why.  She asked if I would explain it to her so that she could understand.  I could tell that she felt embarrassed saying it.  But I can't tell you how impactful that was.  Because she got it.  She had compassion for something that she knew nothing about.  We need to learn from each other.  And the desire to do that in an area that we know nothing about because it is not our experience is life changing.

2.  Walk the walk.  Hand in hand.  This is hard and takes time and energy.  The world needs big drives that bring recognition to causes.  Please know that I do not deny that.  But it also needs people who are going to walk through life with people.  It needs brothers and sisters who see each other hurting and give a hug.  Shed a tear.  Sit at the doctor's office.  Show up in court.  Drop over for a chat.  Text or call just to say hi.  This doesn't just mean the gals in our bible study.  This doesn't just mean our mom or sister.  This means the odd man you work with who is a loner.  This means the mom of a student in your child's class who is struggling.  The cashier you see on a weekly basis when you stop at the store.  This means the person we think least deserves it.  It's easy for us to say that we don't have time.  Our lives are most certainly filled with very important things and my goodness we have our own families after all.  Bull.  Because if we each carefully examined our selfish little lives there is space to add.  Some would have a lot of space, some not as much.  But we'd all have some nonetheless.  If we each had 5 people in our lives who needed a little TLC, friendship, a listening ear and then followed through and made it happen...what a difference it would make.  Who knows...you might even be part of someone's list of 5.

3.  Do unto others.  Man.  What if we really did that?  What if we really lived by that creed!  Above all else, first love.  Think about each person that we come into contact with and how we could truly show them love.  It's going to look different of course.  Some people, like a waitress, for example are likely only in our world for a matter of minutes.  Others, like a teacher or co-worker might be in our world for a year or more.  Still, there are others who we might never meet but yet tug on our hearts nonetheless.  Are we loving as Christ loved us?  Are we showing them His gospel in flesh?  Are we reaching out to change our world?  Am I giving each person I meet the respect that they deserve as a child of God?  Am I letting my politics or my religion get in the way of my call as a follower of Christ?  Am I seeking first the Kingdom?  Am I loving from deeper than myself?  Do the people around me know that I am different because of the way that I treat them?  

Smile.  Laugh.  Hug.  Cry.  
Comfort.  Shoulder the burden.
Stand united.
Don't look away from unpleasant things.  Don't let fear make you shrink away from difficult issues.  Don't hide.
Sing.

He is on the throne.  Hallelujah!

That's what I got today.

Compassion...do we get it?

What is compassion?

If you look up the word, most definitions state something to the effect of a deep sympathy, care, concern for another who has experienced misfortune or suffering...accompanied by the desire to relieve it.

Um.  What's that last part?

...accompanied by the desire to relieve it.

Excuse me, could you rephrase that?

...along with the willingness to alleviate it.

Whoa.  How often do we get that wrong.

As a believer, I'm told to have compassion.  We all know the 'Good Samaritan' story and we all know that Colossians tells us to clothe ourselves with compassion.  

Sometimes it's even made easy for us.  Kind of like a compassion connect the dots so to speak.  We can give money to show that we have compassion for others.  We can pray for people who are hurting and we certainly have compassion for people who are poor.  I mean really, where else are the clothes that don't fit me going to go?

Sometimes it's given celebrity.  Kind of like a 'Who's Who?' of compassion.  Actors, singers, artists...people in "positions of power" find organizations whose mission matches theirs and then give their name and money to help the cause.  If one doesn't exist that they can get on board with then they can always make their own if they are popular enough.

Why do we so often think that material things are the way to relieve it?  Sometimes I think we get things so twisted. 

Look again at the definition.


Deep sympathy, care, concern.
Another who has experienced misfortune or suffering.
Desire to relieve it.


I think we are compassionate when we want and to who we want.  We aren't really clothing ourselves so much as we are adding an accessory. Don't agree?

Unwashed homeless man blocking the sidewalk asking for food.  I mean really, isn't there a soup kitchen somewhere he could get a meal from?  I can hardly give him money because he'll just use it for alcohol or something.  I sure hope he isn't going to rob me.


Sad little girl lost in the mall.  Oh goodness, her parents must be freaking out.  Oh the poor thing.  Let me help you stop crying and find your mom.  Don't worry I'll stay with you until they find her.  If I buy her an ice cream that should cheer her up.


Now please believe this....I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the second scenario.  But please check yourself if you think there is NOTHING wrong with the first.


We need to step it up and do better church.
We need to examine ourselves and our hearts.
Do they really break for what breaks his or is that just a line in a song we sing together during corporate worship?


We can not decide who we are going to have compassion for.  We either possess it.  Or we don't.


Because if it is authentic and of Him....then we are covered in it and function from it.


If it is part of the fabric of who we are...then the desire to care for others is not an afterthought.  It's not fickle.  It's not dependent on the kind of day we are having. 

Sometimes people do not need just our kindness.  Sometimes people don't need just our fitting scripture verse.  Sometimes people don't need just our money or our stuff.  

They need our compassion.

They need our hearts to break and be moved into action to find ways to alleviate their pain and hurt.  

It's time church.  It's time to roll up our sleeves and get a little dirty.

That's what I got today.

Go Tyree..it's your birthday!!

Tomorrow is Tyree's birthday!!  He's going to be 16 already...it totally blows my mind!!  I always tell Tyree that he is our bonus kid and he has been a wonderful addition to our family.

How does one get a bonus kid?  There are tons of ways I'm sure but for us, it happened, well, I guess it happened because it seemed it was just to be.

When Marlon was an AAU coach for basketball the team became our extended kids.  They slept over often, a couple of the boys stayed a few weeks in the summer and they all went to summer camp together a couple of years.  Each of those kids have a cemented place in our hearts and home forever.  We'll likely always be Coach and Mrs. Coach. 

One young man just connected in a deeper way.  I'm not really sure why or how except that God just wanted it that way, but from the start there was something different about Tyree.  He may not even know this, but I always just kind of knew that he was always going to be around.  At first, he'd stay more often than the other boys.  Then two summers in a row he stayed with us the entire summer, going home to Milwaukee just a time or two to spend time with his mom.  Those years he attended basketball camp with our kids and served at our church camp for a few weeks.  He began to make connections.  He just fit.

The boys would always ask if he was going to move in.  Once Marlon told me that he and Tyree had even talked about it.  His sweet mom was worried.  This was her baby and they were very close.  How hard would it be to not see him everyday?!  I understood her hesitation.  So 8th grade began.  That year he didn't visit quite as often, but each time he did, he'd talk about going to high school out here.  We knew it was still something he'd like to do.

By the end of the school year Tyree made it clear that for him, he needed to be in Waukesha.  He spoke to his mom.  We spoke to the kids.  And it was decided.  We were getting our bonus kid.  The week before high school started he moved in with us.

From the beginning I knew God's hand was on this decision.  That doesn't mean there weren't bumps in the road of course, but there was an overall grace that filled our family.  There were times I'm sure he thought what the heck have I gotten myself into!  There were times we thought...wow, we have a LOT to learn!  But overall, the learning curve for following the rules in our house was greatly lightened because of all of the time he had spent here.  Our relationship with his mom was already strong because she had entrusted him to us with trips out of state, camping, for weeks at a time in the summer.  And boy does she love him.  And she wants him to have every opportunity possible.  So do we.

When I think of our family now...I can't think of it without Tyree.  It's not that there's the 6 of us and then Tyree...it's just us.  We are so grateful to his mom for continuing to allow us the opportunity to have him here.  I am hopeful by senior year I'll be making his senior display board for basketball and helping him fill out college applications.  I am hopeful one day I'll tear up at his wedding.  I am hopeful someday his kids will call me--Nana or Bonus Granny...hahaha. 

I am so proud of the young man he is.  He's growing into a confidant, independent and driven kid. He talks about getting his license and college...where he'll be in 10 years. Please don't get me wrong.  I don't want to paint a picture that he was some thug who came in like some beast we had to tame.  Far from it.  But he was very quiet.  And very withdrawn almost.  And struggled in school and sometimes I think all of our structure was a bit much for him.

I remember one of the first times he went home to his mom after living with us.  She called me the day after he got back to Waukesha.  I must admit I was worried that she was going to say she missed him too much and he had to go back to Milwaukee.  Instead, she started to cry and thanked me.  She said that she could see a change in him already and it was so good.  He told her that he was going to college and did homework because he knew we'd ask him if he did it over the weekend.  This of course made me cry.

We have done nothing special.  Let me say that again before anyone says that we have.  We have done nothing special.  We have been obedient.  We have loved.  And we have opened our home to someone and welcomed them as family.  It isn't always easy and yet, somehow it is simple.  Because it is just as it is supposed to be.

That's what I got today.

Sticks & stones?

'Sticks & stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me!'

Maybe you were taught this little quote when you were growing up to instill a sense of strength if you were being teased.

What a crock.

Because usually bones heal much more quickly than the heart.

Because usually physical brokenness is apparent with a cast, splint or crutches while a broken spirit is masked by defense mechanisms and fake smiles.

Why are we so quick to continue doling that quote out to our kids? 

Okay.  Let's be real, I can hear the push back already.

Mindy, we don't want a bunch of wimpy cry babies on our hands.  Mindy, we don't want uber sensitive kids who can't take a little joke.  Mindy, it's a rite of passage of growing up.  Everyone is teased about something!

My response to that?  Blah, blah.  Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I want my kids to know that yes, kids tease and joke.  Often times friends especially play practical jokes, have inside jokes, call each other names...all in good fun.  Sometimes it might cut a little too deep, but it is easily forgiven because there is love there.

I also want my kids to know that they do not have to put up with being called names.  And they had better stand up for others if they hear them being called names as well.  I want them to know their value is not more or less than any one else that they interact with.  I want them to know that words have immense power and so we should use them wisely.  This also means we can exercise them.

I want them to have a voice.

That's what I got today.

the beginning...

So I guess it's time to stop filling up everyone's newsfeeds with my notes on FB and start blogging.  If I'm ever going to be a more "serious" writer...then I guess it's time to get more "serious".

I am not sure yet what kind of writer I am.  Am I supposed to know that?  I just know that God has given me the ability to see things and say them.  Sometimes that goes over well.  Sometimes it does not.  But what I've found is that when I take time to pray about those thoughts, filter them through my humanity and my faith and then write them...people respond.

I say or write nothing lightly.  Please know that there are many more thoughts that I keep in my head than those I share.  That's likely a scary thought for many who know me! 


What's my purpose for this?  To grow in my ability to write.  To challenge thinking.  To see if anyone is even interested in what I have to say.  To challenge myself.  

It's time.