Legacy

It's inevitable that tonight much of what is likely on our minds is Nelson Mandela and the amazing legacy he has left upon his death.

It got me thinking about him and his brilliant, humble mind and heart as well as legacy.

Quotable quotes have of course been flying all over the news, programming, social media....Nelson Mandela was a gifted speaker, eloquent and wise....so there is much to choose from.  Three such statements stick out to me...have resonated in my soul all evening.

'Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.'

'What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.'

'A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens but its lowest ones.'

I love these sentiments.  They make me have hope, they inspire me to be more, they challenge me.  They are messages I hope I am instilling in my children.  And to others around me.

'Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.'
Be free to be yourself.  Don't allow the 'majority' to pressure you if you don't actually agree with and align with their thinking.  Speak, write, create, draw your heart and soul to the world.  Take time to deliver well thought out messages.  If everyone is listening...then hopefully you are delivering a message worth hearing.

'What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived.  It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.'
Who cares how much money you make.  Who cares what kind of car you drive.  Who cares what you do for a living.  Who cares what kind of house you live in.  None of that matters.  How the people in your circle think of you isn't as significant as those who aren't.  Are you kind?  Are you compassionate?  Are you loyal? Have you changed not just your life...but others?  What have you done for mankind?  What impact are you making on the people you meet everyday?  Make a difference.  Be light.  Love.

'A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens but its lowest ones.'
Who does our nation see as low?  Poor? Uneducated? Prisoners? Addicts?  Some feel that because there are 'programs' in place to handle 'those' people we are a great nation.  A nation is made up of government yes, but at the core...people.  How do YOU treat our lowest citizens?  And not just the politically correct way we've come to embrace in this country....but truly treat.  When nobody is looking.  The service person who makes a mistake with your order...the beggar on the median with a sign...the individual in a wheelchair who is taking up the salesperson's time...the single mom with four kids by four dads who signs up to be on your committee.

To live life on a daily basis embracing these ideals?

What a wonderful world it would be.

Thank you Nelson Mandela for paving the way.  Living the hard life making the hard decisions and walking the road less traveled.  Thank you for giving the world hope that one person can initiate change.  What a legacy.

That's what I got today.

Tired and Weary.

I'm tired.

I've been feeling it for a little bit.  And even voicing it, which normally I avoid until I'm beyond exhausted, for a little bit.

My body is weary.  I have some reoccurring issues with my neck/back and a new issue with my shoulder.  My feet have recently been aching and the arthritis I've been told for years I have in my knees might actually have started to affect me.  It's no wonder I am moving slow.

My mind is clogged.  I have a more than full plate between now and the end of the year.  All good things.  Almost all necessary things.  But very much. I have several individuals weighing on my heart heavily.  I am trying to process everything going on and keep it all straight in my head.  It's no wonder I feel a day late and dollar short.

My schedule is full.  Between work, church, and family obligations...I am not sure if anything else could fit.  Christmas hustle and bustle.  Wrapping and parties and gatherings.  Meeting expectations and keeping appointments.  It's no wonder I can't keep days straight and think I'm free when I'm not.

My emotions are spent.  In a day I can find myself joking with co-workers and within in moments talking a mom down from going off on her child.  The extreme highs and lows make a roller coaster seem level.  It's no wonder sometimes I am not sure how I'll respond to a specific situation.

All of this is true.  And it's not life threatening or devastating.  But at times it definitely feels debilitating.

And yet.  

In the midst of it all.  In the deep, dark places where I try to run and hide...where I go to pull the covers over my head and escape...I am continuously reminded of His refreshment.  Of His comfort and His ability to bring me supernatural energy and joy that simply can't be explained.

If I choose not to work/live/function through the pain of my body....would anyone fault me?  Maybe not.  But to work/live/function through the pain provides me with opportunity to see just how comforting He is. When I call on His name, He gives me what I need for that moment. Allows me to appreciate days when I feel well and 100%.  It's taught me to slow down and be in tune with my body and what I can and can't do. I'm still realizing.

If I choose not to pay attention to all of my responsibilities...would anyone fault me?  Maybe not.  But to pay attention to them, even when my mind wants to wander and focus on candy crush instead, provides me with the opportunity to see just how strong He is. When I put everything in Him and allow Him to structure my day, He shows me how to prioritize.  Allows me to focus on one thing at a time.  It's reminded me that I can't be everything to everyone.  I'm still learning.

If I choose not to tackle my 'to-do' list....would anyone fault me?  Maybe not. But to maintain order and not be overwhelmed and shut down shows me what it means to allow Him to order my steps.  When I stop in the midst of chaos and ask Him to lead me....He shows me what to do first.  I feel a sense of peace when I bring Him into my day.  I've learned to let go of caring about things that don't matter.  It's helped me enjoy anointed appointments where I know I was right where He needed me to be, doing what He needed me to do. I'm still discovering.

If I choose to allow my emotions to run wild...to fly off the handle and lose control....would anyone fault me?  Maybe not.  But to do my best to lay it all at the foot of the cross, to remember the Holy Spirit is my helper and dwells in me gives me a sense of stability even when I am spinning out of emotional control.  In the midst of both triumph and struggle He is there.  My emotions are not my enemy but they don't control me either.  It encourages me to be okay in my emotions and share them.  I'm still embracing.

I am tired.

And you might be too.

If you are...try being tired in Him.  Try giving Him your weary self and see what happens.  He is able.  

Isaiah 40:38-31
Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and even His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

That's what I got today.

Oh ladies, ladies, ladies....

One of the things that struck me today at mentor training was the comments the facilitators made regarding our young people and how difficult it is to not get distracted by the negative things in society because they are all around them.  That between the internet, radio, movies, music, etc. it is virtually impossible to not get sucked into things that they shouldn't.  One comment said that the average male views his first pornographic image at age 10...often times on the very devices, cable, etc that his parents have brought into his home.  That many of our young women will possibly never realize and own their own beauty because of the lies that we feed them about how they should look, dress, interact with men.  If you have viewpoints that are conservative...you are somehow the problem.  The prude.  Yet when our young people fall prey to thoughts, warped self images and lewd behavior in response to these societal norms...most of us balk and are upset.  It's so deep seeded.

It's been on my mind all day.  Partly because of my job.  I see and love on women everyday who have no hope and have fallen prey to warped thinking that their worth is somehow linked to what a man thinks of them.  Partly because of today.  Looking at the young ladies at the Challenge Academy and wondering where we as a society have failed them and what can we do to change it.  And partly because I went through a period in my life where my thinking was so warped that I actually thought I was exerting my SHE-RA power by dressing how I wanted, letting it all hang out--using sex to control and participating in all kinds of harmful behaviors.

Our young girls live in a society...heck even us women....where there are entire shows in which the premise is to find a man.  Or...to be the woman that a man finds.  Or...to act like a complete ass--cursing people out, fighting and falling out of their clothes, drunk as a skunk.  Or...to be an uber bitch who bullies others to get what they want.  Or....to subtly get tittie shots and camoflauge it as a lingerie pro-woman show.  And this is entertainment.  And we watch.  And we laugh.  And we somehow feel we've arrived?  Like we are in control and calling the shots?  SHAME ON US!!!!!  I hardly think this is what Helen Reddy was refering to when she belted out, 'I am woman hear me roar!!'

I'm talking to the ladies here.

Forget the men.  That's an entire different topic.  They can deal with each other on that one.  And there is a lot of work to do because TV, the internet, videos have become so blatantly sexualized that many of them are desensitized to it.  What they allow in front of their eyes....well, that's their sin to deal with.

I'm talking to the ladies here.

Where in the world have we gone wrong.

For myself, I remember the first time I realized I had power over a man.  That by simply dancing a certain way....or smiling a certain way....I could elicit a response.  It was funny to me.  That I was strong and they were weak.  I'm not sure if I consciously thought...'I've got the power!' or not...but looking back I know that I behaved as if I did. What a joke.  Do we not see how the upper hand in this scenario is still in the man's control?  I was weak.  Because I was allowing their response to dictate my behavior.  Not the other way around.  This is Satan's trick.  Be aware.  Because that quickly becomes a trap. He is always lurking and waiting to seek, kill and destroy.

What we feel builds our self esteem?  Really...it destroys it.  Because suddenly our worth...rests on the attention of a man.  Rests on what he thinks of us.  And it cuts us to the core as we begin to compare ourselves to other women around us.  Who is pulling attention?  Who is wearing what? What do they have that I don't have?  Are we doing enough?  Are we worthy enough?  Are we sexy enough?  Does he want me?  Does he love me?  Does he find me desirable?

And when did THAT become the marker of being a confidant, approachable and desirable woman?  Being sexy?  Hey ladies, guess what?  That is all a lie.  The thinking that being sexy=having power is a lie from the pit of hell.  Sexy gets you NOTHING of substance that lasts for more than a night.  Let me repeat that.

Sexy gets you NOTHING of substance that lasts for more than a night.

I want our young ladies....all of us...to look beyond looks.  Scripture tells us this...that man looks on the outside but God looks on the heart.  Those of us that are believers in Christ might know a song or two with those lyrics...we might quote it when someone is down...or even repeat it to ourselves when we are having a 'fat' day.  But you know what.

It's true.  And somehow when it comes to how we view ourselves....we don't live as if it's true. We might use it to help a friend who is struggling....but that's not the same as claiming it as truth for our lives. We need to start living as if it's true.

Our young ladies need to see us standing tall and carrying ourselves with confidance...without worrying about being 'sexy'.  Everytime I see a young girl on FB or twitter with her chest stuck out and her ass pushed back....her lips all pouty and 'that look' in her eyes I want to slap her.  Okay, cover my son's eyes and then slap her.  But you know what?  There's a whole lotta grown folk doing that too.  So how do I fault a 14, 16, 18 year old for it?  We've set the stage.

Our young ladies need to see us valuing ourselves for our dedication to our families, our careers, our education rather than our wardrobes and shoes and make up.  What we talk about, what we watch on TV, what we spend our time doing...is what matters to us.  What do others around you see as your worth?  If we asked a young person in your life what gives you confidance...what would they say?

Our young ladies need to see us.  Women we need to step up and step in.  Everyone doesn't always have a momma with sense.  Who are the young people in your life, in your sphere of influence...that you are having hard conversations with?  So we need to clean up our act.  We need to act right.  We need to make conscious decisions about what we allow in our lives, what we put up with.  We need to find out if we really value ourselves as more than a pretty face, or tight tush, or fancy pants.  We might say we do.  I mean after all, it's the hoo-rah-rah battle cry...that we are independent, strong women who can handle it.  But at our core...does our behavior reflect that thinking?

Find a young woman this week and give her a hug.  Then have a real conversation.  About real issues.  Not the latest fad, or who he picked at the end of the season, not where the best hairstylist is or which club has the 'finest' men. But real talk.  Her future might depend on it.

That's what I got today.

Boys 5 Girls 1

As I sat in my house today listening to my husband and sons talking, bantering, laughing...about girls and sports and college and girls...occasionally having the opportunity to interject into the conversation I thought about my life since Jordyn left for college in 2009.  Other than occasional times that my lil cousin Alyssa lived with us...I have been the only female in our home.  This gives me great joy, but also sometimes leaves me rather lonely and feeling like an outsider.

And it's hard really, because I LOVE that my guys get along, enjoy doing things together.  I LOVE that my husband is involved and fully a part of parenting.  I LOVE that my boys respect him and his opinion.  I wouldn't want those things to change for anything.  To bring anything up with regards to this is awkward and often makes us all uncomfortable.  It makes them feel pressure and like they've done something wrong.  Like they can't be themselves.  It makes me feel guilty that I've somehow ruined the party.  Often times it's easier to just sit quietly, smile and listen or find something else to do.

A few days ago two friends of the boys came for dinner.  Young ladies who have become close to the family.  I think they were slightly in shock at the pandemonium that is our home.  Playful kidding that becomes arguing, light taps that turn into right hooks, conversation that somehow always returns to sports and stats.  At one point one of the girls said, 'How do you survive?'  It was said, 'Come to dinner once a week so she has someone to talk to. I laughed but a small part of me felt sad for some reason.                   

At work I'm often teased that it's easy to tell that I spend a lot of time around boys because of my brass humor, quick wit and reactions to situations.  Soaked up all that testosterone is how it was explained I believe.  It makes me glad that I've loosened up some and can be 'one of the boys' but it makes me miss those girly girl times too.

Earlier this week I had to mail off a questionnaire to someone I am mentoring about me.  One of the questions was to write down three dreams that I have.  And every single thing that I came up with was a dream I have for Marlon...or for the kids.  For a moment I thought...well, that's a good thing.  It means I'm invested in their goals, I'm concerned about helping them reach for the sky but it also made me sad to think that somehow I've lost part of me.

I found myself feeling frustrated.  Like what big life dreams are there that I set aside and need to pick back up. What have I been missing out on?  My husband and kids are involved in activities, how come I'm not?  Will I even know myself when all of the kids are gone?  Will my hubby still love me?  Will he want to spend time with me?  What do I have to offer other than being a wife and mother?

This then moved to thinking....maybe that's how it's supposed to be.  Maybe in motherhood and 'wifedom', when we love hard and give fully...we do get lost for a little bit.  Maybe our goals should be their goals.  Maybe our free time should be focused on them.  And maybe it just is what it is.  Not anything that anyone is doing wrong.  

Part of who I am is a wife.  Part of who I am is a mom.  And that doesn't negate other facets of me. But I've CHOSEN to make them priorities.  I've CHOSEN to set aside some of my own dreams so that I can be involved in theirs. Not in a martyr way...but in a self sacrificial way. While I might wish I could sit at the spa all day or dinner with the girls or reading the newest book or wandering through a museum in the moment....I wouldn't want to miss a minute of this life.  This reality.  Football stories, track stats, off color jokes, feeling occasionally left out and all. 

 I'm still me.  Just not the me I was.  And I'm okay with that.

That's what I got today.

He makes it sweeter.

If the world was really an oyster

What would that mean?

A pearl in the middle?

We'd have what we need?

If I ran the circus

Life would be full of giggles?

With clowns and applause

No one stuck in the middle.

We use these phrases, toss them out

And laugh

Make light of our pain and gloss over

Our past

We want others to see the picture we paint

Not what's really inside

Not that we sometimes hate.

It's our nature really,

To sin and then hide

Avoid the truth 

Adam and Eve style

But we know we can't run

And we know we can't hide

Even the best liar 

Has good inside.

You smile.  'Great day'

You smile.  'All is well'

But your soul is tortured

And you are playing with hell

But when we fall to our knees

Admit our faults and our sin

Call out to God and let Him 

begin to build us again

He cleanses our hearts.

He molds our minds.

He captures our love.

He leaves our past behind.

Stop running.  He's there.

Stop hiding. He sees you.

Stop sinning.  He's real.

And begin again.

We can begin again.

And life will be sweeter.

It can only get sweeter.

Thank God He makes it sweeter.

That's what I've got today.

Battlefield

What I'm going to write is hard but it's been on my heart for awhile and I just have this feeling that there might be some other momma's out there that will benefit from it.

So I'm sharing.

I love my husband and my kids.  Being a mom is a great joy to me.  Not that I don't ever get stressed or tired...believe me I most definitely do...but to watch my kids grow and change is awesome.  Being a wife is hard work but definitely worth the work.  It doesn't matter how much you love each other...you are going to hurt each other, you are going to get on each other's nerves, you will have times of frustration...but to be connected to someone on a different level is special.

Satan desires to seek, kill and destroy anything in my life, in all of our lives that is good and reflective of love.  For me, that does not just mean my work, my ministry, my mentoring.  That includes my love for my kids and my husband.  Peace in my household.

Why do I forget that.

Why do I forget he's always there.

Waiting.

When they aggravate me.  When they hurt my feelings.  When I irritate them.  When I do them wrong.  Why do I fall prey to my emotions, my distrust, my temptations?  Why do I lash out in anger? Because I do not stay fully aware of Satan's tricks and I let down my guard. 

I struggle with trust.

I struggle with acceptance.

I struggle with worth.

And yet.  I know that I am beautifully and wonderfully made.  I know that He desires to give me hope and a future.  I know that when I keep my focus on what is good, pure, lovely then God's peace will be with me.

I am free from distrust.

I am free from neediness.

I am free from worthlessness.

I know this about so many facets of my life.  I apply them.  And yet.  In my own home, I forget.

I let sin and despair seep in and pepper the way that I interact.  That I love.

I work in a field, in an environment where I know I am in a spiritual battle.  I have no doubt of that.  

But I'm in that same spiritual battle in my personal life as well.  It's not exempt.  I know that Satan would love to destroy my marriage.  My relationships.  My peace.  My joy.  I need to be armored up 24/7 and always alert.

Thankful for open eyes.  And opportunity for growth.  And freedom.

That's what I got today.

Motivated?

I've been thinking lately a lot about motivation.

A co-worker recently told me that she wasn't sure how I did it, but I turned a resume writing class into a motivational talk.  One of the women at the shelter said that whenever she talks to me she feels motivated to make changes in her life.

These are special compliments I hold dearly.  Mostly because lately I've been feeling highly UNmotivated.

My house is in total disarray.

My personal time is sadly suffering.

I haven't been to the Y in I can't even remember.

I have several phone calls/emails I need to respond to that I just don't get around to.

And yet.

I am able to muster up something of Him to relay to others.  

When I am most weary, I've learned I am most aware of His presence.  Sustaining me.  Carrying me.

That somewhat corny poem about the footprints and where was He when there were only one set of footprints?  Guess what?

IT IS TOTALLY TRUE!

Even in the midst of this season, of not getting things done when I'd like and pieces seemingly falling and balls possibly being dropped...I sit in a place of contentment.  He is there.  I am not alone and He never leaves my side.

Such growth God has done in me.

Satan used to so easily get me.  And believe me, he still gets me.  

But I am so much more aware of his lurking.  I am so much more honest about struggles and frustration. And in that truth?  He must move around.

I am so much more aware of his tricks.  I am so much more honest about temptation and weakness.  And in that truth?  He must flee.

Grateful for growth and change.  Grateful that sometimes, even if it takes me a longgggggg time, sometimes...I get it.

He gives me rest.

And guess what?  He wants to give it to you too.  He desires to be in relationship with you because He loves you.  

My worst day with Him is beyond words better than my best day without Him.  I can't explain it.  It just is.

That's what I got today.

Have you ever felt a prayer?

Rely on Him for comfort. Trust His plan. Believe God is always near.

I've tossed these phrases out so often.  To friends. To women I minister to. To family. To myself.  And I believe them with all of my heart.

But to find yourself in the midst of truly needing them?  To have the life application available to put them into practice?  That's another things entirely.

'So we need to figure out exactly what is going on.  And the concern is that we need to get that heart pumping properly.  Because of this we need to restrict physical activity until I see him again. I don't do this lightly and I want you to know that.  In fact, this is the first patient I've restricted in 3 years. That's how serious I'm taking this. I know this is a lot to take in.'

Yesterday, a youth cardiologist said those words to me.  And he was right.  It was a lot to take in.  Almost too much.

Elijah is my incredibly goofy boy.  Always joking, always looking to make other laugh, always keeping the atmosphere light and laid back.  He moves non-stop and always has. So the thought of him being sedentary was a foreign thought.

As we waited for the EKG we didn't talk much.  My mind was racing.  I have to be honest, my brain jumped quickly from him not being in gym or sports....to God's grace.

His heart has not been functioning properly and we don't know for how long. He first experienced something in April and didn't say anything until his sport physical in July.  But at this point, there's no telling if it's been ongoing, lifelong, etc.  This boy goes nonstop.  Track practice 4-6 times a week, track meets, full week of activity at Nationals, recent cross country runs daily.  And aside of the occasional bouts of pain, which led to these appointments, he has not been affected.  His heart has kept beating.  Grace.

As a teenage boy who LOVES and LIVES sports....he spoke up. He was honest and open about the pain he had experienced.  He answered the doctor's questions fully, without hesitation, admittedly aware that it might mean he wouldn't get that sport slip signed in time.  He says that he just felt he needed to say something and the physical seemed like the right time.  Grace.

Our family doctor took the information seriously.  She didn't wave it off.  She didn't dismiss it as 'normal'.  Having been our family doctor for almost 15 years...she knows his history.  She knows he is a physically fit kid.  She knows that he can run 10-15 miles at a time and so he wasn't 'getting winded' from sprints at practice.  She didn't say, 'keep an eye on that and let me know if it continues.'  She referred him to the cardiologist.  Grace.

The cardiologist got the results and was honest to say that he didn't feel equipped to analyze them. That he had made notes and written a report based on his findings, but he really felt that because of Elijah's age (16) that he should be seen at Children's.  That they would be best equipped to determine what, if anything, should be done and what they thought.  Grace.

Which led us to the appointment yesterday.

I am doing my best not to go into panic mommy mode and smother.  Even though I would really like to just make him sit on my lap and sing songs to him and rock him. :) I am also doing my best to not over or under react.  To follow their instructions until the appointment September 13th.  To take one day at a time.  To trust.

I have no control over this.  September 13th is going to come and I have no idea what they will find when they do the follow up echocardiogram.  I don't know if the medicine he is taking will help. Or even refraining from sports.

But I know that God does.  And I know that He loves my son more than I ever could imagine. And it is true, He will never leave His side or mine.  I am thankful for so many friends and family who are praying...not just for the results and healing, but for our hearts in the midst.  For the journey through the storm. For peace.

Have you ever felt prayers?  It is the most peaceful and amazing thing.  To be content in the midst of chaos.  To be calm in the midst of craze.  To honestly and fully embrace His plan.

Relying on Him for comfort.
Trusting His plan.
Believing He is near.

That's what I got today.

Hoping for Just a Lil Hope Like That...

Today I helped a mom fill her car full of stuff and her kids as she headed out to a new apartment; so excited to be in her own place again.  Such a blessing that there are such nice donations of bedding and other housewares, games and toys so that she might have a decent start.

But it's the other stuff her car was full of that made the deeper impact on me.

Excitement.
Promise.

Hope.

Where would she be without hope.  Where would ANY of us be without hope.

 As we hugged and I teared up (which never fails, I always do, no matter what the circumstances of a family leaving) I was so touched by her hope.

She knows and loves Jesus.
Her kids attended camp and they love Jesus.

She does not have an easy road ahead of her.  There are many, many strikes against her and society will likely not be kind.  She knows this.  She lives it and it is her reality.  We've talked about how overwhelming it has been.  Immobilizing it has been.

But for hope.

I look around my day to day life...and I see so many situations...in my own life and others...that we get our panties in a bunch about super insignificant things.  Important perhaps at the moment.  But in the scheme of life...nonsensical. 

Or maybe those difficult things, truly difficult, that seem overwhelming at the time..difficult to process...difficult to see our way out of....can consume us and cause us to lose hope.

One could say that my friend today has much to be hopeless about.

Lack of education.
Limited support system.
Limited income.
Lack of employment.

Yet.  A heart full of hope.

Thankful for the daily reminders God gives me to stay focused on Him.  Praying for just a lil hope like this hope.

That's what I got today.

The next level.

Since becoming a believer 15+ years ago, I have always loved three books in the Bible the most.  (I'm not sure if it's sacreligious or not to have a 'favorite', but...) Psalms, Romans and Philippians.  Psalms because during times of deep depression I found such peace and comfort there.  Philippians because when I first began to truly transform I found encouragement and accountability there.  And Romans.  Romans 12 to be exact.  And I guess because it's been a pattern for where I keep returning to when I need a lil reminder to get right and act right.

If you've never read Romans...I encourage you to.  No matter what your thoughts are about Jesus and the Bible being the word of God...it's a good word.  It's a reminder that life is not about us.  The entire American concept of get yours, look out for #1...do everything we can to combat that with love, service, humility.

Romans 12:1-2 says, Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Not sure what that is saying?

A living sacrifice.  What is a sacrifice? A loss.  Something that is given up for the good of a better cause.  Or given up to pay homage to a deity.  If I am to offer my body as a living sacrifice---in a desire to worship God---I had better know what is pleasing to God.  Denying myself.  Resisting the temptation of sin.  Living obediently.  

Do not conform to this world.  My thoughts, my goals, my desires will not look like and should not look like what the world looks like.  The world values outward appearance.  Scripture tells me that God looks at the heart of a man.  Status does not matter.  Financial security does not matter. Position does not matter.  The shoes I wear do not matter.  The car I drive does not matter.  Prestige does not matter.  

God's will.  Man, do we worry about our own will and plan.  If I continue to renew my mind and set it on the things that God values...things change.  Not always circumstance, but most definitely always perception.

The rest of Romans 12 goes on to talk about humble service and love in action.  When I read it, as I've been today as I plan to lead the women's ministry at our church, it challenges me.  It gives me a little fire in the pit of my tummy.  It makes me want to go out and change the world in His name.  To love and care for His people.  To deny myself and fully submerge myself in His plan.  To open up my hands and release anything that is not of Him and prepare myself to accept whatever He has next.

To go to the next level.

That's what I got today.

Broken

We live in a broken world.  We are broken.

As believers....do we really believe that?

I gather that we believe the broken world part.  Right?  I mean, turn on the news.  See the despair around us.  Rape. Murder. Divorce. Violence. Homosexuality. Crime. Poverty.  Right?

What about lies?
What about pride?
What about hate?
What about greed?

Do we see and accept these as brokenness?  Do we acknowledge that they plague the world...us?  Are we willing to take ownership for the many different ways the world is broken and the part that we play in it?

We are broken.

Do we really mean 'we'?  Or do we mean 'them'?  (for the record, it is we.)

Humanity is not ours to fix. People are not a cause.  Because if that were true, really true...and I'm being fully serious here...we'd all be someone else's cause.

What if the way I chose to address abortion wasn't just to picket and carry signs...wasn't just to judge pregnant women considering it...wasn't just to exercise my vote a certain way...but was to befriend a young person such that I might have influence in their life.  Such that I might share my story and how God healed me from sexual sin?

What if the way I chose to address abuse wasn't just to find ways to 'save' kids....wasn't just to assume women with abusive men are stupid....wasn't just to donate money to the one shelter in the area...but was to purposefully choose to live such that I might engage with individuals who have been or are being abused and shower them with love and acceptance and the truth that God loves them deeper than they could ever know?

What if the way I chose to address poverty wasn't just to send money...wasn't just to donate a few times a year...wasn't just to assume that poor people must want to be poor...wasn't just to assume that there are 'agencies' to handle that....but was to open my eyes and heart to the families around me (because poverty is everywhere) help where I could?

My neighbors drive me crazy.  And as a result I most often choose to ignore them and judge them.  Shame on me.
There's a cashier at Wal-Mart that is super slow and awkward and I will not get in his lane no matter what.  Shame on me.
Someone disappoints me and I harbor ill will and anger. Shame on me.

I am broken.  And the world I live in is broken.

But I have a God who loves me, protects me and created me in His i
mage.  I have a Savior who laid down His life that I might live.  And I have a help-mate, the Holy Spirit to guide and direct my steps.

And He loves you in the same way. 

All over tonight I know.  Some days my mind and heart are so full with all of the kingdom work there is to do.  The harvest is plentiful and the workers are few.

Now ain't that the truth.

That's what I got today.

Attaboy...

Walking into work today, this is what I was greeted with... 

'Hi Miss Mindy, remember when you would see me in the office at camp? When I would get in trouble?  I miss camp. I love camp.  Hi Miss Mindy. I love you.  See you later. Okay?  See you later!'

An onslaught of hugs around my knees from a family of 5 siblings, a set of triplets and a set of twins.

And a lil chunk of boy who can barely talk but blows me kisses whenever he sees me.

Love.

I am so grateful for this love.  And it is a daily reminder to get out of myself selfish woes and to focus my eyes on Him.

I am not sure what and how I get things right enough and often enough that these little ones love me.  It can only be explained as truly God moving in me.  

Because I am far too often short.  I am far too often judgmental.  I am far too often bossy. I am far too often disappointed in others.  And in myself.

But man I love Jesus.  And man I know that without Him my warts are big and ugly and consuming.  But with Him?  With Him...and focus where focus needs to be, me under His authority and submitting my will to His...with Him a gaggle of love comes my way.

Being the recipient of that love is my reminder and challenge (and quite honestly somewhat self-serving reward)...to shower love on others.  

If we all shared a kind word.  A smile. A hug. An encouraging attaboy.  What in the world would the world be like?

That's what I got today.