I've been restless.
Leaving my prior job at the mission was a right decision. Growing pains and policy changes spurred the start of prayer and seeking guidance for that decision and I know there were many who may not have understood. But there have been such strong moments of confirmation in the months since leaving....I am grateful.
Recently stepping down from leadership and serving at our church was a right decision. A hectic parenting and travel schedule with an inconsistent ability to pour into the flock there cemented this and I know there are some who may not understand. But the rest and freedom that has come since doing so....I am grateful.
But I am restless.
Today I had a very long talk with God. And then an intense time of praise and worship. There are many dreams and ideas He's placed on my heart. There is a call on my life.
Somehow I've allowed myself to become stagnant.
And in my respite from "doing" Jesus. I think I inadvertently took respite from Him.
He's still my Lord. My very present help in time of need. My rock, fortress and deliverer.
Yet.
Have I been lacking growth and become complacent?
Have I forgotten to daily to lay down my own agenda and listen to Him?
Have I allowed distractions to minimize my joy in Him?
Yes.
There is calling and purpose on my life.
I know what He has gifted me to do and I know that He equips me to do it.
I know that with Him I am capable. I can conquer when I allow Him to fight the battles.
I can't allow myself to be imprisoned by fear, responsibilities, finances, past mistakes or perfectionism. The enemy would use my vulnerabilities to trick me.
Lies.
To trick me into believing I am not worthy.
To trick me into believing the dream is too big.
To trick me into stopping.
I know because it's what he's been doing. And what I've allowed.
But.
No more.
The devil can't have my joy.
And he can't have my dreams.
Because the God of all creation and the Lord of my life has promised me that ALL things work together for my good. He has shown it to be true over and over.
It's time to armor up and fasten my seat belt. I'm ready for another level. So I'm giving everything to Him. Including my restlessness. And when I come out of restlessness.....
He does not play.
