Stories from a Momma Bear #2

Today was a most
interesting day
Tired of the
passive aggressive
way

Folks wanna pretend
or continue to hide
the truth of the ugly
they're keeping inside

i can tell story after story
but people will choose
to believe what they want
to refuse to accept
the truth they don't know
but we keep tryin to tell
damn it's getting old

cuz i remember
the day
my son came home to ask
do i have an extra muscle
is that what makes me fast?

or came running home
i can't play outside
the neighbor said n****
with the hard ER

or a phone call came
your son was in a fight
and he was to blame
but then i find out
that "that word"
was tossed about
and he's just supposed to take it?
naw--knock him the hell out

turn the other cheek
place nice would you please
understand and have patience
i mean, where's your humanity
that is all well and fine
but i need you to see
that some days i can't
and some days i won't
and some days
are days
when i'm just holding on
trying not to scream
and fully explode




That's what i got today.

Stories from a Momma Bear #1

Freshman year
in a school so unknowing
It's not right he said
She's treats us different
This spanish class
of 'misfit' kids
with two 'sweet' girls
just stuck in the middle

he was right i knew
i'd seen it before
same teacher
different class
and suddenly they begin to show
their true self
their hidden ugly
they don't think is known
really don't care is shown

but our kids aren't quiet
and they will always stand
unless it's time to kneel
they will call you out
they will show you how
you are letting your hatred show

phone calls and chaos
the class escalated
phone call from me
cuz she needed to know
that i'm not quiet
and i'll always stand
unless it's time to kneel
i will call you out
i will show you how
you are letting your hatred show

no, no, ma'am
you certainly aren't right
i love all kids
i mean
i've worked in the city
i've worked in bad neighborhoods
WTF!
we're in waukesha fool
nobody mentioned that shit
'cept my son is black
and you changed that up quick

i have black friends
i like black people
lady shut up
cuz you're making me sick

then the final straw
i get a call
my son in the hall
being taken to a room
by the school officer
stay on the phone
you're dad's heading there

the story it seems
class was OC
students were arguing
about social media
in class
but the 'sweet' girls
'looked scared'
teacher's words not mine
so she had to call the cop
and when my son stood up
tall and fit
the officer later says
'he looked very aggressive'
so i had to take him out

hell no
wrong one
we don't play that
you see
so a huge meeting is held
to figure out
why he's so upset
what it's all about

my son so eloquent
calmly states
i've been in two classes
and it's not the same
we aren't trusted
the face looks disgusted
she doesn't like us
she doesn't know us

he's lying
misguided
it rolls off her tongue
so easy you wonder
when she's said it before
everyone's looking
our blood pressure's
rising
but needed not worry

cuz the next thing she says
is those Pitchford's have it wrong
i know what i'm doing
i've worked with all kinds
i know how to teach
poor bl...(pause)
poor (pause)
(look around the room)
at the shocked faces
before she can finish

my husband who isn't quiet
and will always stand
unless it's time to kneel
he will call you out
and will show you how
you are letting your hatred show

lady, do i look poor
and what's that got to do
with you treating the class
different except it obviously does

discussion ensues
let us figure this out
hell no
WE want him out
of her racist ass class
want her nowhere near him
and ya'll can figure out the rest

sometimes you can't change the world at once
but you let one teacher know
and one admin know
that
their true self
their hidden ugly
that they don't think is known
or really don't care is shown

has been seen
and we know
and you better get right

so when anger explodes
and frustration is high
but it's not your fight
and you don't understand the plight
just know others know
what they are talking about
and if  you aren't joining in
then know that you're out.


That's what i got today.

today

My heart is a big ol jumbled mess today
full of anger and pain
yet hope and joy...

because the world got a little
bit crazier today
without delay and

one bit of news sends my mind spinning
spinning
spinning

and  starts my heart breaking

and my soul just might stop

breathing.

Death and hate
and fear monopolize
people's energy

where is humanity

as our children lie in the streets
and more black men die
as guns are untouchable
and he continues to lie

each lie
defies
reason
it's so hard
believing

that some people still believe their right to having a gun
is more important
than the blood laying there

i can't be curious because
i have nothing to be curious of.
if the truth of my humanity...of my family has to be explained to you
in a way to convince of our worth
i'm not wondering
how you got that way

each tear
brings broken
dreams of
moving forward
we're going
nowhere


and one bit of news sends my mind spinning
and starts my heart breaking

but i must not let my soul stop

breathing.


That's what I  got today.

It's been a day....

Today is one of those days where I was paralyzed by feeling overwhelmed at all that needs to be done. Not personally---although that definitely weighs on me from time to time---but around me, all around me.

I know so many say start right here. Just start with the person in front of you.

But when you live and work such that there are many in front of you...then that isn't such an easy statement.

At my job I have 13 families that I have been entrusted with....and what I need everyone to understand is that they are any family.  Me, you, us. There is no them.

Through BLOOM I seek to offer gatherings, afternoons, moments of reprieve for women from all walks of life to learn together to 'bring life out of mess'. We all have mess of some kind.

My kids and their ability to love others have led me to have many extra kids and I take that seriously...being available to them.

So many. So much.

Sometimes I want to look around and say....what are you doing?  where are you?  how are you stepping up? And I know that's not fair. Because, like me, others get tired. Or they might be in their wilderness season or their resting season. Also, because I know that on any given day...there are many who step up and say, let me know how to help--how to step in.  And I am so grateful for the generosity of others. For the willingness to give of their time and their resources.

But yet, I still feel this need to challenge.
Challenge those with the thinking of self preservation and accomplishment.
Challenge those who are adamant on focusing inward...on their own achievements. 
Challenge myself.

Never think there isn't a place to get started. Never think there isn't a place that you can be involved.

There is. And the world around you....it needs you to open your eyes and more importantly, your heart....and go.

That's what I got today.