A mother working hard
Cuz each dollar counts
So every hour that she can
She's there on her grind
But this leaves a dilemma
Because suddenly there's
no help
no net
and she's truly alone.
No family or friend
Who will lend
a hand...
Just a society that
says well
what did you expect...
But she's steady working
and steady treading
water it seems
there's no end in sight
what more can be done
but work
one hour more.
And they scoff
at her tries
and wonder
why
her kids are a mess
and her house might be too
her cupboards are bare
don't you know
there's places to help you
But where can you go
when you work all you can
cuz each dollar counts
and there's no safety net
and the help that they think
you can easily get
is no longer there
does anyone care
so you who is working
as hard as you can
barely staying afloat
barely able to stand
don't quit
just know
that there are those that see
and we're trying to
be
what we can
be
to make a difference
and you who is judging
and sitting so far
why not leave your bubble
why not see who
'they' are
these 'those' that you
tsk
and shake your head at
please quit
and know
that there are those
whose lives
aren't as easy as yours
and we need you to
be
what you can
be
to change the world
and not just
one blanket
one sandwich
one sweater
one scarf
one chair
one washcloth
one ride
isn't enough
we need you
to give more of
yourself.
your time
your talents
your friendship
your love.
Because she's steady working
and steady treading
water it seems
there's no end in sight
what more can be done...
what more can be done?
you being more.
Saturday, October 20, 2018
It's a humanity thing.
I will never ever ever understand people who think that things are equitable in this country. That each person has the same opportunities. The same chances they have.
The 'they'd get a job if they wanted a job' or 'pull yourselves up by your bootstraps' or 'just work hard' kind of folks. I really wonder if they realize that not everyone's reality is their reality.
And before you get into making a statement that will get yourself in trouble....I'm not trying to make this a race thing or political thing or gender thing. Not even a financial thing. A have and have not thing.
It's a humanity thing.
Some folks need help. Support. And I'm not talking about tangible help and support.
But someone to love them.
To encourage them.
To give them hope.
To listen.
To help them see.
To be present.
Who are the people in your life...that you need to see.
Who are the kids, those kids you don't let your kids play with....that need love.
Who are the parents, the parents you think don't know how to parent....that need encouragement.
Who are the neighbors, the isolated and recluse that you think are odd...that need hope.
Who are the coworkers, those that irritate you with their presence....that need someone to listen.
Who are the narrow minded, the critical you have written off....that just can't see.
Who are the lonely around you....trying each day to get through...that just need your presence.
You might think...I don't have those people in my life.
You do. I guarantee you. You do.
But you haven't seen them.
Or chosen to see them.
But they are there just the same.
If you didn't have love, or encouragement, or hope, or someone to listen, or the ability to see or the presence of another....who would you be? Where would you be?
Find them.
And you don't need to go to a shelter, a pantry, a mission, the "inner city" to find them.
Because "they"? Are we.
Don't believe me? Reread the list above.
Then start opening your eyes...and get to
Loving
Encouraging
Hoping
Listening
Seeing
Being.
That's what I got today.
The 'they'd get a job if they wanted a job' or 'pull yourselves up by your bootstraps' or 'just work hard' kind of folks. I really wonder if they realize that not everyone's reality is their reality.
And before you get into making a statement that will get yourself in trouble....I'm not trying to make this a race thing or political thing or gender thing. Not even a financial thing. A have and have not thing.
It's a humanity thing.
Some folks need help. Support. And I'm not talking about tangible help and support.
But someone to love them.
To encourage them.
To give them hope.
To listen.
To help them see.
To be present.
Who are the people in your life...that you need to see.
Who are the kids, those kids you don't let your kids play with....that need love.
Who are the parents, the parents you think don't know how to parent....that need encouragement.
Who are the neighbors, the isolated and recluse that you think are odd...that need hope.
Who are the coworkers, those that irritate you with their presence....that need someone to listen.
Who are the narrow minded, the critical you have written off....that just can't see.
Who are the lonely around you....trying each day to get through...that just need your presence.
You might think...I don't have those people in my life.
You do. I guarantee you. You do.
But you haven't seen them.
Or chosen to see them.
But they are there just the same.
If you didn't have love, or encouragement, or hope, or someone to listen, or the ability to see or the presence of another....who would you be? Where would you be?
Find them.
And you don't need to go to a shelter, a pantry, a mission, the "inner city" to find them.
Because "they"? Are we.
Don't believe me? Reread the list above.
Then start opening your eyes...and get to
Loving
Encouraging
Hoping
Listening
Seeing
Being.
That's what I got today.
Friday, October 19, 2018
Hope for Me.
Figuring out who I am after almost 21 years of marriage...being a parent for 27 years...working full time over 25 years...struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar isn't easy. What I'm finding is that often I feel like I'm finding out more about who I am not than who I am. But I am more interested in who I am becoming than who I was.
Two years ago I faced an honest truth that I needed to be under doctor's care for my bipolar diagnosis. For about 8 years I had been handling it myself....with a holistic approach...which progressively was not working. Despite my best efforts and faith and hope and prayers...I had not been healed. But honestly, I did not need to be. Because there was a way for me to have a clear mind and emotional stability....and I knew that I had to take care of myself. For me that means medicine. Being under a psychiatrist's care for the past 2 years has given me new perspective.
A year ago my husband and I became empty nesters. This was going to be unchartered territory for me. We had children before we were married and I had never been just a wife. I had a lot of apprehension about that. In the midst of figuring that out....I knew I had to figure myself out as well. 6 weeks into the new reality I wrote a blog about some of things that I was discovering. I went back and read it. There were some good thoughts there. I've gained a lot of new perspective over a year later.
I'm not sure why I feel compelled to share this. But I know with every fiber that I am, that I am supposed to. I don't know if that's God's prompting....the Holy Spirit's leading....or just my own vain need to share....but here it goes.
1. I am afraid. There is so much that scares me. Some health concerns have me wondering what is really going on. The safety of my children in this world that seems set upon killing young black men and hating my daughter for who she loves. My husband and I growing apart in a way that can't be repaired. My parents aging. Dying young. (that's always been there and sometimes I think symptomatic of my bipolar/depression.) So much.
2. I am insecure. For all I am certain about...there is so much more that I doubt. My abilities even at things I know that I know how to do can cause me to doubt. I fear that I am not enough of _____. Whatever it is. Kind enough. Motivated enough. Dedicated enough. Beautiful enough. (not speaking of just looks.)
3. I have forgotten how to sparkle. I know it's there. I have the best dear ones who remind me to let all of my lovely glitter fall and whoever gets sprinkled, well lucky them. But it's like it's just under the surface and can't get out. I'm not sure if that makes any sense....it's the best way I know how to explain it.
4. I am complacent. I think somehow in all of my adult life of learning the amazing gift of being content with life and what is (because I do think that is something we do not do enough of learning)...I became complacent. It's not that I don't have dreams...but it's almost as though stepping into the unknown is too big a risk and that is all they remain.
Rereading this list. You might think that it makes me feel stuck or frustrated or even full of anxiety. But it doesn't. It makes me take a deep breath. And a bigger exhale. Because I have always been someone that believes once you name something and own something it no longer owns you. And though I believe the above is true....seeing it written down and spelled out...I also know the following is true.
1. I am badass. And I have faced fear before and remained standing. I have come through some crazy shit. Fear has no hold on me. And I continue to live life. To seek answers for my health issues. To allow my children to live and experience their truth. To work hard everyday at my 20 year marriage. To enjoy my parents and seeing them live their best lives. To fully live. For however long that is.
2. I am powerful. Even in the places I doubt...and times that I question...I am enough. I do not have to be perfect. I don't have to be any more or less that who I am. If in a moment I am not kind, I am not motivated, I am not dedicated, I am not beautiful....it is okay. It is good.
3. I see the start of my sparkle. In my heart and tummy....there is the tickling of glitter that is ready to bust out of me. It's a ripple affect really. When I am surrounded by other's allowing themselves to sparkle....whatever that looks like...I feel the beginning of my shine. When I have other's reminding me that they can see glimpse of my shine...I know that sparkle is coming.
4. I can move. There is nothing wrong with being content. In fact, I still value it as important and believe that we must do a better job of teaching our children to be content in the moment. But I do not want to be complacent. I do not want to smugly think that this is all there is. That I've fulfilled all there is to fulfill. I'm ready for risk.
Thinking about the 2nd list causes a little anxiety, but not as much as it gives me hope.
And for as dark and ugly as the world around me can seem sometimes. And as frustrated and angry as I can get at people. I am about hope. Always hope for others.
But it makes me smile in ways I can't explain to have hope for myself.
Two years ago I faced an honest truth that I needed to be under doctor's care for my bipolar diagnosis. For about 8 years I had been handling it myself....with a holistic approach...which progressively was not working. Despite my best efforts and faith and hope and prayers...I had not been healed. But honestly, I did not need to be. Because there was a way for me to have a clear mind and emotional stability....and I knew that I had to take care of myself. For me that means medicine. Being under a psychiatrist's care for the past 2 years has given me new perspective.
A year ago my husband and I became empty nesters. This was going to be unchartered territory for me. We had children before we were married and I had never been just a wife. I had a lot of apprehension about that. In the midst of figuring that out....I knew I had to figure myself out as well. 6 weeks into the new reality I wrote a blog about some of things that I was discovering. I went back and read it. There were some good thoughts there. I've gained a lot of new perspective over a year later.
I'm not sure why I feel compelled to share this. But I know with every fiber that I am, that I am supposed to. I don't know if that's God's prompting....the Holy Spirit's leading....or just my own vain need to share....but here it goes.
1. I am afraid. There is so much that scares me. Some health concerns have me wondering what is really going on. The safety of my children in this world that seems set upon killing young black men and hating my daughter for who she loves. My husband and I growing apart in a way that can't be repaired. My parents aging. Dying young. (that's always been there and sometimes I think symptomatic of my bipolar/depression.) So much.
2. I am insecure. For all I am certain about...there is so much more that I doubt. My abilities even at things I know that I know how to do can cause me to doubt. I fear that I am not enough of _____. Whatever it is. Kind enough. Motivated enough. Dedicated enough. Beautiful enough. (not speaking of just looks.)
3. I have forgotten how to sparkle. I know it's there. I have the best dear ones who remind me to let all of my lovely glitter fall and whoever gets sprinkled, well lucky them. But it's like it's just under the surface and can't get out. I'm not sure if that makes any sense....it's the best way I know how to explain it.
4. I am complacent. I think somehow in all of my adult life of learning the amazing gift of being content with life and what is (because I do think that is something we do not do enough of learning)...I became complacent. It's not that I don't have dreams...but it's almost as though stepping into the unknown is too big a risk and that is all they remain.
Rereading this list. You might think that it makes me feel stuck or frustrated or even full of anxiety. But it doesn't. It makes me take a deep breath. And a bigger exhale. Because I have always been someone that believes once you name something and own something it no longer owns you. And though I believe the above is true....seeing it written down and spelled out...I also know the following is true.
1. I am badass. And I have faced fear before and remained standing. I have come through some crazy shit. Fear has no hold on me. And I continue to live life. To seek answers for my health issues. To allow my children to live and experience their truth. To work hard everyday at my 20 year marriage. To enjoy my parents and seeing them live their best lives. To fully live. For however long that is.
2. I am powerful. Even in the places I doubt...and times that I question...I am enough. I do not have to be perfect. I don't have to be any more or less that who I am. If in a moment I am not kind, I am not motivated, I am not dedicated, I am not beautiful....it is okay. It is good.
3. I see the start of my sparkle. In my heart and tummy....there is the tickling of glitter that is ready to bust out of me. It's a ripple affect really. When I am surrounded by other's allowing themselves to sparkle....whatever that looks like...I feel the beginning of my shine. When I have other's reminding me that they can see glimpse of my shine...I know that sparkle is coming.
4. I can move. There is nothing wrong with being content. In fact, I still value it as important and believe that we must do a better job of teaching our children to be content in the moment. But I do not want to be complacent. I do not want to smugly think that this is all there is. That I've fulfilled all there is to fulfill. I'm ready for risk.
Thinking about the 2nd list causes a little anxiety, but not as much as it gives me hope.
And for as dark and ugly as the world around me can seem sometimes. And as frustrated and angry as I can get at people. I am about hope. Always hope for others.
But it makes me smile in ways I can't explain to have hope for myself.
That word....
There's been a lot in our local (Milwaukee area) news lately about the 'n' word. While I know some are comfortable spelling out or saying this word, I am not so just know throughout this text I will say the 'n' word.
Shorewood, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because they planned to perform To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm not sure at what point in the process students and parents began to express their concern for this....but the week before it was set to hit the stage....all hell broke loose. Maybe those opposing the performance began to express themselves with more fervor, maybe more folks took notice, maybe the 'right' folks took notice, but either way it led to a back and forth by the district to decide what exactly they were going to. After some backlash and a strong social media presence of those opposing the performance, they held a community forum to discuss this issue and announced they would only perform a dress rehearsal for the actors and their guests. After continued uproar and a threatening social media post on Instagram where a young man posted 'Fuck all the watermelon eating n***ers at Shorewood High School. We are the KKK and we're going to hang you at the play To Kill a Mockingbird 10/17/18', they decided not to carry on with any performance.
Greendale, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because of a black student who was suspended after VERBALLY defending herself against a white student who called her the 'n' word for at least a 2nd time. Administration felt that she APPEARED to be threatening in the video of the exchange in a hallway of the school so they suspended her and called the police in to talk to her-about her bordering on 'disorderly conduct' behavior and how it was unfitting of their no tolerance policy. This amidst other black students stepping forward to share that they as well have experienced this-being called racial slurs. The mother of the student has attempted to have the suspension overturned and get the district to realize that her daughter's response to being repeatedly called the 'n' word....is indicative of a deeper issue at the school. Her concerns have been met with canned cut'n'paste responses from the Principal and school board members.
I had a recent discussion with an acquaintance on FB that led to a heated debate because he wanted to talk about the black students at the school he teaches at, which is primarily black, calling their friends the 'n' word and connect that somehow to the above situations. When I refused to allow the conversation rabbit trail....he became so upset that he told me to just unfriend him...he wasn't going to be censored. So I did.
I have so many thoughts about all of this. My heart is so full because of this. My heart aches for the students of color that have to deal with bullshit on the daily.
It is personal.
As a Mexican/white student in a SUPER white school in a SUPER white town in the 80s, I was 'jokingly' called an illegal alien, I was 'jokingly' chased down the hall in middle school by students pretending to be cops and asking for my green card. I didn't stand up for myself. Who was I going to stand with? I uncomfortably giggled, turned red and walked away. And I hid my ethnicity as best I could at school. I had to figure out how to cope and fit in with all of my white friends and saved my ethnicity for home when I listened to Selena, went to Mexico City with an exchange program and went to my grandma's house.
I think the first time my kids were called the 'n' word, they were at school and in 1st and 2nd grade. It was a daily occurrence and we got phone calls home that they were chasing other kids and hitting other kids. My response, 'We can talk with them about keeping their hands to themselves, but you had better do something about the kids calling them the 'n' word. If not, my boys are going to teach them they had better not say that crap around them.'
One day they came running home, a neighbor had called them the 'n' word in a derogatory way. Because it was a girl, and they knew they couldn't battle with a girl, they came and told me. I went to talk to the parent. I was told, 'I mean, how would she know...black people all call each other that word and if she heard that of course she's going to think it's ok to say that.' I gave her a lesson quickly that not all black people say that word and even if she has heard that in her presence before, I find it hard to believe that she couldn't recognize the difference between 2 people who know each other saying that in a familiar way and her using it to tell my boys to get lost. It's not like she went to dap them up and said, 'My 'n' word.' It was used as in, 'N' word get outta here, we don't want to play with you.'
What is it about that word....that makes many white people feel some kind of way about not being able to say it? There are too many examples of times I have heard and seen white people make comments about 'well black people say it'.....'well I said it with the 'a' vs. 'er'....'it's a teaching tool'.
And I could spend multiple paragraphs giving creative, heartfelt answers with thoughtful and insightful language....spelling out the societal impact the word has....the deep seeded trauma it illicits....explaining what implicit bias is (and yes people you need to learn what that is if you don't know)...even taking time to help foster conversations to provide clarity. I could.
But. I'm tired. And frustrated.
So.
White people who want to figure out why some black people are okay with the 'n' word being used within friend and family circles in a familiar or even loving way......just stop.
Why? Because. There doesn't always need to be justification that you are comfortable with and approve of. And if you can't accept that?
That my friends is the epitome of white privilege.
Shorewood, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because they planned to perform To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm not sure at what point in the process students and parents began to express their concern for this....but the week before it was set to hit the stage....all hell broke loose. Maybe those opposing the performance began to express themselves with more fervor, maybe more folks took notice, maybe the 'right' folks took notice, but either way it led to a back and forth by the district to decide what exactly they were going to. After some backlash and a strong social media presence of those opposing the performance, they held a community forum to discuss this issue and announced they would only perform a dress rehearsal for the actors and their guests. After continued uproar and a threatening social media post on Instagram where a young man posted 'Fuck all the watermelon eating n***ers at Shorewood High School. We are the KKK and we're going to hang you at the play To Kill a Mockingbird 10/17/18', they decided not to carry on with any performance.
Greendale, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because of a black student who was suspended after VERBALLY defending herself against a white student who called her the 'n' word for at least a 2nd time. Administration felt that she APPEARED to be threatening in the video of the exchange in a hallway of the school so they suspended her and called the police in to talk to her-about her bordering on 'disorderly conduct' behavior and how it was unfitting of their no tolerance policy. This amidst other black students stepping forward to share that they as well have experienced this-being called racial slurs. The mother of the student has attempted to have the suspension overturned and get the district to realize that her daughter's response to being repeatedly called the 'n' word....is indicative of a deeper issue at the school. Her concerns have been met with canned cut'n'paste responses from the Principal and school board members.
I had a recent discussion with an acquaintance on FB that led to a heated debate because he wanted to talk about the black students at the school he teaches at, which is primarily black, calling their friends the 'n' word and connect that somehow to the above situations. When I refused to allow the conversation rabbit trail....he became so upset that he told me to just unfriend him...he wasn't going to be censored. So I did.
I have so many thoughts about all of this. My heart is so full because of this. My heart aches for the students of color that have to deal with bullshit on the daily.
It is personal.
As a Mexican/white student in a SUPER white school in a SUPER white town in the 80s, I was 'jokingly' called an illegal alien, I was 'jokingly' chased down the hall in middle school by students pretending to be cops and asking for my green card. I didn't stand up for myself. Who was I going to stand with? I uncomfortably giggled, turned red and walked away. And I hid my ethnicity as best I could at school. I had to figure out how to cope and fit in with all of my white friends and saved my ethnicity for home when I listened to Selena, went to Mexico City with an exchange program and went to my grandma's house.
I think the first time my kids were called the 'n' word, they were at school and in 1st and 2nd grade. It was a daily occurrence and we got phone calls home that they were chasing other kids and hitting other kids. My response, 'We can talk with them about keeping their hands to themselves, but you had better do something about the kids calling them the 'n' word. If not, my boys are going to teach them they had better not say that crap around them.'
One day they came running home, a neighbor had called them the 'n' word in a derogatory way. Because it was a girl, and they knew they couldn't battle with a girl, they came and told me. I went to talk to the parent. I was told, 'I mean, how would she know...black people all call each other that word and if she heard that of course she's going to think it's ok to say that.' I gave her a lesson quickly that not all black people say that word and even if she has heard that in her presence before, I find it hard to believe that she couldn't recognize the difference between 2 people who know each other saying that in a familiar way and her using it to tell my boys to get lost. It's not like she went to dap them up and said, 'My 'n' word.' It was used as in, 'N' word get outta here, we don't want to play with you.'
What is it about that word....that makes many white people feel some kind of way about not being able to say it? There are too many examples of times I have heard and seen white people make comments about 'well black people say it'.....'well I said it with the 'a' vs. 'er'....'it's a teaching tool'.
And I could spend multiple paragraphs giving creative, heartfelt answers with thoughtful and insightful language....spelling out the societal impact the word has....the deep seeded trauma it illicits....explaining what implicit bias is (and yes people you need to learn what that is if you don't know)...even taking time to help foster conversations to provide clarity. I could.
But. I'm tired. And frustrated.
So.
White people who want to figure out why some black people are okay with the 'n' word being used within friend and family circles in a familiar or even loving way......just stop.
Why? Because. There doesn't always need to be justification that you are comfortable with and approve of. And if you can't accept that?
That my friends is the epitome of white privilege.
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