That word....

There's been a lot in our local (Milwaukee area) news lately about the 'n' word. While I know some are comfortable spelling out or saying this word, I am not so just know throughout this text I will say the 'n' word.

Shorewood, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because they planned to perform To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm not sure at what point in the process students and parents began to express their concern for this....but the week before it was set to hit the stage....all hell broke loose. Maybe those opposing the performance began to express themselves with more fervor, maybe more folks took notice, maybe the 'right' folks took notice, but either way it led to a back and forth by the district to decide what exactly they were going to. After some backlash and a strong social media presence of those opposing the performance, they held a community forum to discuss this issue and announced they would only perform a dress rehearsal for the actors and their guests. After continued uproar and a threatening social media post on Instagram where a young man posted 'Fuck all the watermelon eating n***ers at Shorewood High School. We are the KKK and we're going to hang you at the play To Kill a Mockingbird 10/17/18', they decided not to carry on with any performance.

Greendale, a predominantly white high school in a predominantly white city...recently has been in the news/social media because of a black student who was suspended after VERBALLY defending herself against a white student who called her the 'n' word for at least a 2nd time. Administration felt that she APPEARED to be threatening in the video of the exchange in a hallway of the school so they suspended her and called the police in to talk to her-about her bordering on 'disorderly conduct' behavior and how it was unfitting of their no tolerance policy. This amidst other black students stepping forward to share that they as well have experienced this-being called racial slurs. The mother of the student has attempted to have the suspension overturned and get the district to realize that her daughter's response to being repeatedly called the 'n' word....is indicative of a deeper issue at the school. Her concerns have been met with canned cut'n'paste responses from the Principal and school board members.

I had a recent discussion with an acquaintance on FB that led to a heated debate because he wanted to talk about the black students at the school he teaches at, which is primarily black, calling their friends the 'n' word and connect that somehow to the above situations. When I refused to allow the conversation rabbit trail....he became so upset that he told me to just unfriend him...he wasn't going to be censored. So I did.

I have so many thoughts about all of this. My heart is so full because of this. My heart aches for the students of color that have to deal with bullshit on the daily.

It is personal.

As a Mexican/white student in a SUPER white school in a SUPER white town in the 80s, I was 'jokingly' called an illegal alien, I was 'jokingly' chased down the hall in middle school by students pretending to be cops and asking for my green card. I didn't stand up for myself.  Who was I going to stand with?  I uncomfortably giggled, turned red and walked away. And I hid my ethnicity as best I could at school.  I had to figure out how to cope and fit in with all of my white friends and saved my ethnicity for home when I listened to Selena, went to Mexico City with an exchange program and went to my grandma's house.

I think the first time my kids were called the 'n' word, they were at school and in 1st and 2nd grade. It was a daily occurrence and we got phone calls home that they were chasing other kids and hitting other kids. My response, 'We can talk with them about keeping their hands to themselves, but you had better do something about the kids calling them the 'n' word. If not, my boys are going to teach them they had better not say that crap around them.'

One day they came running home, a neighbor had called them the 'n' word in a derogatory way. Because it was a girl, and they knew they couldn't battle with a girl, they came and told me. I went to talk to the parent. I was told, 'I mean, how would she know...black people all call each other that word and if she heard that of course she's going to think it's ok to say that.'  I gave her a lesson quickly that not all black people say that word and even if she has heard that in her presence before, I find it hard to believe that she couldn't recognize the difference between 2 people who know each other saying that in a familiar way and her using it to tell my boys to get lost.  It's not like she went to dap them up and said, 'My 'n' word.' It was used as in, 'N' word get outta here, we don't want to play with you.'

What is it about that word....that makes many white people feel some kind of way about not being able to say it?  There are too many examples of times I have heard and seen white people make comments about 'well black people say it'.....'well I said it with the 'a' vs. 'er'....'it's a teaching tool'.

And I could spend multiple paragraphs giving creative, heartfelt answers with thoughtful and insightful language....spelling out the societal impact the word has....the deep seeded trauma it illicits....explaining what implicit bias is (and yes people you need to learn what that is if you don't know)...even taking time to help foster conversations to provide clarity.  I could.

But. I'm tired.  And frustrated.

So.

White people who want to figure out why some black people are okay with the 'n' word being used within friend and family circles in a familiar or even loving way......just stop.

Why?  Because.  There doesn't always need to be justification that you are comfortable with and approve of. And if you can't accept that?

That my friends is the epitome of white privilege.