I've been working my way through Tony Evan's 30 Days of Marriage Prayers. I say working through because it can be pretty intense some days....so occasionally I offset with different devotionals.
Today I made it to day 10. Prayer Against Insecurities. Here is a piece of what struck me most today about what he wrote:
The enemy wants nothing more than to create insecurities in our marriage. He wants to break down our trust and he wants to create doubt in our minds about our love and commitment to each other and our desire to be committed. We stand confident and sure in Your love and in the peace that You give. Jesus, we commit ourselves to praying against any insecurity that we have and release it to You. We release each other to You to allow You to correct and deal with our hearts and we will stay out of your way. We are not secure in each other. We are secure in You.
Sheesh. Talk about hitting the nail on the head.
Most who know me really well....or know any of my testimony, know that I struggle with insecurity. I always have. There's no one horrific incident in my past that I can point to that necessarily explains this....but when I look over my life there are definite things that didn't help what is already a piece of my make up. That hinder and cause internal conflict. Most of it being things I joke about now because looking back they don't seem that serious...but in reality I guess there were a few more serious things that did matter...
I had a baby sitter who most definitely favored my sister over me. Would bring her gifts but not me. Would always talk about how cute and sweet she was. I had a little group of friends who were always trying to one up the other; decide who they were going to leave out and I always felt like I needed to boast. I had a dance teacher who repeatedly told me how fat I was...even poking me with her little stick in my waist a few times and threatening not to let me go on stage if I didn't slim down. I was in an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship which escalated to physical abuse and ended with me in the hospital.
I share all of that to point out this. Who we are, we bring to the marriage table. The same goes for our spouse. And not to put Marlon's business out there...but there are also specific situations in his life which affect him. That hinder and cause internal conflict and insecurities.
So when you marry. Those worlds collide. You learn and do your best to allow that collision to be a gently meshing of worlds....giving grace, being vulnerable, allowing the Holy Spirit to help you see your spouse with God's eyes, taking account for your own weaknesses and limitations and staying focused on Him who is most high.
But sometimes. Because of our own insecurities, because of ways we've hurt the other, because of our humanness and sin, because of taking our eyes of Jesus and because we've let the third strand slip....we withhold grace, we become selfish, we wander, we build walls, we shut out, we judge the other and we give Satan a foothold.
Even almost 20 years in. Even when we know better. Even when we've been here before. We've started marriage counseling for what I see as a tune up. We want to make sure that our marriage is strong, vibrant and endures. We are in this for the long haul. We want to break old patterns that are harmful and build new ones that bring life.
Today's marriage prayer was perfect timing and I'm so thankful to God when he orchestrates these little encouragements. Because I do believe that He does care about those little things as well as the big things.
Satan is going to try. He is going to lurk and he is going to prey. He is going to watch you and find you slipping. And then he's going to attack. It's his nature. To seek, kill and destroy. And if we aren't diligent in being acutely aware of our limitations and the ways that he attacks us...it can be so easy to fall right into his crooked and evil plan.
But we don't have to.
Because Jesus conquered. Death was defeated. And when you accept Jesus as Lord of your life...choosing to follow fast after Him and choosing to learn more about what it means to love...then the Holy Spirit is available to you....to guide and direct...to help. I don't know how to explain it all. But I know that it's true because I have experienced it in my life again and again.
I'm so grateful for Tony Evans 30 Days of Marriage Prayers. I am. From gentle prodding to full face smacks....I'm learning and relearning so much.
That's what I got today.
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