TNT...

Some days what I got is so much that it's too much to even express in words.

I think that's what happened the last couple of days.

The summer of 2009 I met some of my extended family for the first time.  My cousin Rosie, who I did know already, came up to Wisconsin from San Antonio for her last months on earth so that my aunt could care for her and she could spend time with a son who lived here.  It was not an easy decision for her as she had grown children and grandchildren in Texas, but her health was quickly deteriorating and she felt it best.

Those months would change my life forever.

There were a lot of changes in things that I learned.  I learned so much about myself and dying.  About faith beyond belief and the sweet, spiritual things that happen as someone slowly passes from earth into Eternity. I was reminded that it really is TNT, til next time, because we will see each other again.  I also saw my family band together in powerful ways; taking shifts to care for her, feeding and housing her and then her children and grandchildren when they arrived, orchestrating a benefit on her behalf to help cover expenses.  I learned that you don't have to have known family a longggggggggggg time to love them.  It changed the way I love my husband and kids because I know that tomorrow is not promised.

But the biggest change came in the addition of Milo, Rosie's daughter and Milo's daughter Alyssa to my life.

I grew to love all of her children that I met from Texas.  Don't get me wrong.  I can't imagine how difficult it was to have their world turned upside down.  Their mom was everything to them and she loved them fiercely.  You don't expect your mom to be gone at such a young age.

But from the beginning there was just a different kind of connection, the kind only God can orchestrate, with Milo and Alyssa and me.  Even Rosie saw it.  I think it's why she asked me to keep an eye on them and help guide them.  I think even Milo and I sensed it. Sovereign Lord.

I think the last three years there have been 2 or 3 back and forth trips between Wisconsin and Texas.  Sometimes Milo and Alyssa.  Sometimes just Alyssa.  Sometimes Milo and Alyssa and the crew.  A community of friends and family here banded together on several occasions to help me help them.  God worked in powerful ways.  Blessing.

These past several years have been tumultuous and amazing.  I've experienced some of the deepest hurt I ever have as well as some of the greatest joy.  I've seen Milo challenge herself and grow into a woman I know her mom would be so proud of.  Make hard decisions but never give up.  I've seen Alyssa blossom from a little girl who pretended to be a cat to protect herself into a fun, outgoing girl who loves God and accepted Christ this past summer.  Mercy.

This weekend they are heading back to Texas again.  I know that their family there misses them so.  And vice versa.  I also know that there were great things happening here for them...but like I told Milo, 'you can make it here or there, just stay close to God, put Alyssa first and never give up'.

My heart doesn't break in the same way it has. I'm not worried that Milo and I or Alyssa and I will never see each other again.  I know now without a doubt that we are on a lifelong journey and the three of us are bonded together in ways that other people can't understand and quite honestly don't need to.  It's a God thing.  And those aren't often explained.

Last night I gave Alyssa a bible to take with her.  Inside I wrote her a little note and reminded her to read Jeremiah 29:11 whenever she needs to be reminded of God's love for her and to make sense of her world, because He has a plan and a purpose for her.  I could see that she was thoughtfully thinking about that and what it meant.  This morning after we dropped the boys off at school she was asking if she'd see them before she gets braces on when she's 12. (I love 3rd grade logic!)  I told her, 'Auntie's not sure.  Maybe.  That is three years from now and we surely will have seen each other by then either in Texas or in Wisconsin.  We just have to have faith that it will happen." 

Then she said, "Well of course because remember God has a plan and a purpose for us and I bet that's gotta be a part of His plan."

So thankful that Rosie's path here to Wisconsin led Milo and Alyssa into my life.

TNT

That's what I got today.