My Grandpa Frank

We waste time.

We waste time being selfish and angry and punishing others and keeping score and finding fault and hurting each other.

In the end.  None of that matters.

My Grandpa Skinner is in his last days of life.  I know that God determines when our time here on earth ends...but there are all the tell tale signs that it will not be long.  He has Alzheimer's and has been slowly deteriorating and you know what? 

Over the years.  He did a lot of things that weren't very nice.  He said a lot of things that were hurtful.  He made some poor choices.

And none of that matters.

He loved the best that he could with what he had to give.
Affection and closeness were ackward for him.  I remember giving him hugs and kisses when I was younger and wondering why he didn't hug me as tightly as my other grandparents.  Hugging him as I got older, I was more in tune to realize that he wasn't really comfortable with affection.  Hugging him these past few years, before the Alzheimer's really set in...I remember him saying "Oh boy, I get a hug, thanks so much."

He cared deeply about us.
I took time this afternoon to look through some of his personal items.  Just little odd and ends like old cards, some 1970s cassette tapes and one of those OLD metal address cases.  The kind where you slide the metal piece to the right letter and then when you open it...it's at the right page.  We were all in there.  Every child.  Every grandchild.  And not just once.  But every time we moved-our new addresses.  Our new phone numbers.  When we got married-our spouses name next to ours.  Birthdates.  Addresses and phone numbers of some of his nieces and nephews.  In his little old man handwriting.

What in the world is there worth harboring old hurts and anger for?  What purpose would that serve now as he lies helpless in a hospital bed?  What does it matter what happened a lifetime ago?

Today while I trimmed his fingernails I prayed for him.  For us.

That we would make each moment count. 
Never hesistate to say, "I love you."

That we would let go of keeping score.
There is no point in trying to figure out who hurt who first or who hurt who deeper or who "owes" the other more.

That we would stop being selfish.
Our happiness is not the most important thing.  If we are living simply so that WE can be happy, then we are always going to be sadly disappointed.  

That we would remember to say, "I love you."  "You matter."  "I have time for you."  "I am glad you are in my life."

Do not waste a moment harboring ill will.
Do not hold onto the past.
Do not withhold love.

Grandpa Skinner.  I will remember that you always came to my plays and shows.  I will remember your awesome sense of humor.  I will remember that you sent me cards when I was in school in Chicago. I will remember that you never judged me for having children before I was married.  I will remember that you always had great conversations with Marlon about the Philippines and Tele Mundo TV.  I will remember that you supported Marlon while he was in ministry.  I will remember that when you started to lose your memory and couldn't remember our names...when we would hug you, you would say, "Wow, such a nice hug from a beautiful lady." 

I will remember the smile on your face when my mom would tell you she loved you and forgave you and there was nothing to worry about and that she was there with you because she wanted to be.

That's what I got today.