Matthew 7:1-5

So as I was reading the bible this morning I got to Matthew 7.

The disclaimer I have here is that I am not a devoted, devout daily bible reader.  I try to be.  And sometimes I am.  When I worked at the church I was...but more often than not it was in preparation for a teaching or curriculum or study than just because I wanted to read for myself.  So in the last few months I admit that I only open it a few days a week.  I write this to encourage you that if it's been days, weeks or years since you've opened your bible.  Today could be the day you start.

I digress.

Matthew 7: 15 says this, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Yikes.

Talk about conviction.  Because I judge.  Even in an effort not to judge, I judge.  And so often in relationships it's easy to look at all of the things about the other person that we wish were different.  Meanwhile there's a laundry list of behaviors, choices, thoughts, actions that we do that need to be changed.

For me, I always have to go back to one thing.

I live for an audience of One.  And I desire for every thought and deed to be in line with what He commands.  I fail at that miserably by the way.  But it's what I desire.  And it's why I get up every morning and set about to get it right.

My marriage to Marlon has been wonderful teaching ground for this passage. 

There are things that I know Marlon might change about me if he could.  There are things I might change about him if I could.  But how selfish would it be of us to think that somehow our thoughts and our designs of who the other should be are right?

We spent time thinking this way.  We've verbally and emotionally hurt each other.  We've blamed each other for our own sin.  We've thought our way was the right way and why can't (s)he just think like us.  What a waste of time.  And disobedient.

I am not perfect.  And the more I focus on what I think Marlon, or whoever else, needs to change, the less I will be concerned with where God is working in me.

We have a wonderful pastor friend who over the years has given us that kind of 'just what you need when you need it' kind of advice and counsel.  One time when we were in his office he asked us if we would be willing to do something.  Something that we probably wouldn't want to do because of how upset with each other we were.  Something that we probably wouldn't think the other person deserved.  But would we do it anyway.  Probably just as much out of our respect for him as our desire to get out of the pit we were in, we agreed.  Here is what he told us (this was years ago so paraphrased of course...lol)

"There are probably a lot of things that you would change about each other.  And probably a lot of things you each could change.  There are a lot of ways that you are not meeting each other needs.  Marlon, Mindy has needs that you aren't meeting.  Mindy, Marlon has needs that you aren't meeting.  For one week, I want you to let that go.  Forget about all of the shortcomings the other person has in meeting your needs.  And instead I want you to concentrate on doing your best to meet all of their needs."

This changed everything about our relationship.

It's not to say that it's perfect now.  Not in the least.  We get frustrated.  We fall back into old patterns.  We sin.  We become lazy in remembering that God is the third strand and Satan can not separate us!!

But. 

I know that this relationship is not about me being happy.  I know that it's not my job to point out Marlon's flaws or pray that God changes him.  If I find myself falling into that kind of thinking...then I know it's time to repent and realign my thinking with Matthew 7:1-5.  His ways are always better than my ways.  And "better" is such a simple word that I cringe a little to even write it. His ways are vast, faithful, mysterious, life-changing, life giving, forever.  Mine are more often than I'd like to admit selfish, hasty and irritable.

I'm glad this was part of my passage today.  I needed this reminder in several places in my life right now.

That's what I got today.