Weary go again....

I've been relying on my own strength again.

I realized this last night as my achy, groggy body crashed into bed with an exhaustion that wasn't warranted.

Weary.

Of course at ALMOST 46 with a little extra cushion and bulged discs...achy isn't totally surprising.
After an emotional day at the hospital with family as my grandma underwent surgery (which went well-praise God) exhaustion isn't totally surprising.
After indulging in a ponza rotta so my sodium swollen ankles made me sloth-like groggy isn't totally surprising.

But weary? Is a different kind of exhaustion.

If you haven't experienced it, I'll do my best to explain.

When I am relying on the Sprit to lead me....I avoid conversations I shouldn't engage in. My heart stays protected from arrows satan may send to pierce it. My mind stays focused on the here and now. And even when I might be tired.  I'm not weary.

I have hope. And in most situations I find the silver lining, so to speak.
I can see good. And in most situations I extend grace and mercy.
I seek love.  I actively choose love.

There's a spiritual deficit that happens when I'm relying on myself.

It's not just about neglecting time in my bible. It's not just about vegging out to reality tv.

It's missing the moment to moment guidance and direction of the Spirit.

I physically feel differently.
I physically look differently.
I physically behave differently.


Tired and beat down and cynical and lazy.

Not that there isn't horrific chaos.
Not that there isn't horrific turmoil.
Not that there isn't horrific hate.
Not that there isn't horrific acts of violence.

But that I am a child of the Most High King.
But that I am filled with Holy Spirit power.
But that they will know me by my love.
But that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

What looks like overwhelming calamity and a life with no hope?

Financial burdens.
Relational burdens.
Health burdens.
Community burdens.



I am revived and refreshed and ready.
Spiritual cleansing brings renewal.
satan get ye behind me.
for weary has no hold on me.

That's what I've got today.