Comfort and being quiet.

I've been thinking the last few days about the way a lot of Christians 'care' for others in times of turmoil.  I have a few friends/acquaintances dealing with some tough stuff....even thinking back to some of the women I met while working at the shelter....and I remember so many yucky comments being made--in the name of care and compassion that were not just hurtful but possibly harmful.

I get it. I really do. And I've even been guilty of these comments too...so no judgment here. More exposure and knowledge to perhaps help deter these kind of comments in the future and self check.

'God knows what He's doing.'  Why, why, why do Christians still say this to people who are hurting?  In the moment of pain and despair, this very rarely brings comfort.  If he knew what he was doing then why did my brother die?  If he knew what he was doing then why is my child incarcerated? If he knew what he was doing then why is my loved one dying of cancer at 28?

'You will get over this.'  No, no I might not.  It is not your place to tell me that I will. In the moment of anguish I might not even want to.  This very often can come across as  a chastise...almost more of a 'c'mon get over this'  It can sometimes feel as if you're telling me that my feelings of loss are wrong.

'You gotta have faith'  Two things. One---why?  If in this moment I lose my faith....I doubt....I distrust every things that I've ever believed....then what?  Will you be there for that journey? Two---how do you know I DON'T have my faith right now in this dark place?  That little bit of light might just be what is helping me hang on even if it might not be enough for you to see it because I'm not 'hallelujah anyway' enough for your comfort?

What I've seen and observed in the last few years are the individuals who are hurting and in pain, having to be the ones to say, 'Oh--they mean well'  'It's okay, I know their intention was pure.'  'I get it--they just want to be encouraging.'

Really?  That's where we are now?  Those we are meant to comfort....are suddenly put in a position to defend those that are inflicting more pain?

What if we just stopped.  And held someone's hand while they cried. Made them a meal without setting up a chart. Dropped off a treat and didn't stay for a conversation unless we were asked. Didn't ask for any details but prayed anyway. Offered to take the kids and didn't wait for an invitation.

What if we stopped acting like we have all of the answers and stop trying to ease the uncomfortable silence. What if we were honest and said 'This is shitty and I have no clue what to say.' or just sat in the quiet?

Let's be the body.  Not quote the bible.

That's what I got today.