I've been sitting on the this last chapter.....this chapter that has led me to my current place....I'm not sure why. Then the Nashville Statement came out.
I'm not sure I'm a "Christian" anymore. At least not as conservative Christians are concerned.
I'm not sure I want to be "Christian" anymore. At least not as it's identified by many--it seems it's not about love.
I love God. I see His beauty and creation all around me. He's in the breeze I feel when I am sitting on the back patio feeling melancholy....a reminder that he is there. It's in the majestic sunset...giving me hope that tomorrow is a new day. It's in the faces of the people around me....each so unique and beautifully messy.
I love Jesus. His message of LOVE is what I desire to pattern my own love after. His unconditional love....his challenging the religious leaders of the day for their rigid and self-serving law....his meeting each one right where they were....his parables making me think and wonder and change.
I love people. They also make me incredibly frustrated and angry....but I love them. I have dedicated my professional career and personal life to serving others. To seeking ways to help and lighten someone else's load. To instill hope and bring joy. To love them.
I became a Christian late in life....as you might know if you've read the other chapters of my journey. And Elmbrook taught me that homosexuality was a sin. Also, that you can "love the sinner, but not the sin". (that phrase isn't anywhere in scripture by the way) When I worked at the Mission, I had to sign a statement that I agreed homosexuality was a sin and that marriage was to be only between a man and a woman. I know of many women who were counseled to denounce their homosexual lifestyles and that they couldn't be a Christian if they were 'living in sin'.
Much of this teaching was based on 5 or 6 verses. And I was taught that they CLEARLY spelled out that homosexuality was a sin and at some point transgender and bisexual individuals were tossed in as well. When I pushed back against this....I had no basis other than my own internal gut. So often I would get shut down by the 5 or 6 verses. I could have dug deeper and done my own reading/studying but I didn't. How careless of me. How privileged of me. To not be sure that I fully agreed with a teaching....but to remain silent because I wasn't quite sure how to express my thoughts in a way that had anything more than an emotional response to my internal questioning.
A little over a year ago someone shared a blog post on social media and I don't remember who, but it was regarding homosexuality and sin and Christianity. The Bible Does Not Condemn Homosexuality Adam Phillips) It definitely peaked my interest. Because my wary over the overly emphatic 'the bible is very clear' about these 5 or 6 verses....was suddenly spelled out. The 'bible is very clear' language justified slavery for over 200 years. The 'bible is very clear language' also justified genocide of the native people to this land when Europeans arrived here.
So I studied those 5 or 6 verses. A little history. I purposely sought out articles and research from both sides. A look at words and meaning. 5 or 6 verses out of over 30,000.
And....
Well, I don't have all the answers. Just like you don't either.
But I do not believe that anyone can say, 'the bible is clear and I fully understand it'
Theologians and men and women who are well versed on scripture....who put my limited knowledge to shame.....can not agree. And not just on this issue. On many.
So if I remove those 5 or 6 verses as THE verses telling me that I have the biblical authority to condemn homosexuals and homosexuality....what am I left with? Nothing that makes me feel just in condemning anyone of the LGBTQ community. And not condemning anyone who loves and supports anyone of the LGBTQ community.
I had so much more to write. So much in my heart and head to share about this part of my journey...what led me to become a part of a church community again albeit rather different than the traditional Evangelical churches I've been a part of.
But none of those details really matter.
Because all that matters is that I am going to continue to love him and love others. I am going to continue to do the work I believe I've been called and gifted to do. I am going to continue to work on my own mess and do my best to live out loud each and every day.
And NOBODY gets to decide and tell me that I am not a Christian because I don't believe as they do.
(even if I really don't care for that word anymore)
That's what I got today.
No comments:
Post a Comment