Momma's day and more....

It's been a weird day so far.

My emotions are all over.

My heart always goes out to the women who struggle on Mother's Day for whatever the reason.

Maybe their own momma has gone to heaven or
Maybe they never really had a momma there
Maybe they wanted to be a momma and can't
Or maybe they were and now aren't.
Maybe they wish it were different
because maybe they messed it up
Or maybe they struggle being a momma
And can't let anyone know

My story hasn't been this. But all of our stories matter.
And today was no different.

My weekend began with time with my girl. She bought me a dress and we giggled in the dressing room together.
My older boys took over the call with a surprise gift and card and extra hugs they know that I cherish so.
My morning was relaxed with so many texts and inbox messages and memes. My youngest did the dishes and my husband wrote a FB post.

But somewhere in the midst of not caring much what we did today.
And just planning to play it by ear.

I got sad.
And emotional.
And I must admit, I feel selfish and frustrated for feeling like this.
There are so many women with really hard shit
That I am certainly not in a place to fret.
And yet.

That's where I am.

So I did my best....to be out and about.
Soaked up some sun and a Strawberry refresher
Bought some new shoes and sunglasses.
Argued with my husband because when you aren't in sync
Isn't that just what we do?
To not be understood is hard.

Cried a bit and then a little more
Missed my mommy and my kids
Even though they're still there

And I took a deep breath
And decided today
Wasn't going to be lost because
I'm still feeling this way.

So I got my tennies, my computer and book
Grabbed my charger and off I went.
To have a day I know I need.
Even if I'm having it alone.
And that is totally okay because
Most of my days are not spent that way.
And not much has changed
The morning is what it was
And I'm not gonna suddenly
see my mom or my MN kids
But my perspective has changed
and my heart had a shift
Sitting and praying and writing
And nibbling a warm chocolate chip cookie


I encourage you to sit and rest
In the truth of your day
Of your heart.
Just remember that you are strong and capable
And worthy of much

Whether momma or not
Who you want to be
Or still working on it
Letting go of your heart
Or still carrying it....
You are worthy of much.

That's what I got today.....