My head is full of random wanderings tonight. A little all over the place. When I get like this I know it's best to get them all down and then flush them out later.
1. I always hope, even in the weary times of anguish, that I am able to convey to my children how much they mean to me. I never want them to doubt that. They inspire me to live obedient to God's call on my life. They bring me incredible joy and laughter! They encourage me and challenge me...they shower me with love and affection. I want to reciprocate in outstanding ways...not so they think I'm "cool" or their "friend" but so they learn and know that what we say and do matters and they learn to be about something and stand up for truth and love!! It does matter what you say and how you respond. It does matter how you treat others and that you forgive. It does matter that you remember your integrity. May I always strive to show them through my own actions and struggles versus telling them. May I live a life worthy of emulating...not because of me but because of Christ in me!
2. My husband never ceases to amaze me. He is famous for silly cards that make me laugh out loud. Somehow he always finds the perfect one. I've been in a sensitive place recently...and when I opened my Mother's Day card from him today...it brought tears to my eyes that he knows me so well. It was a beautifully sweet card with a super sentimental message that again was the perfect one. Shame on me for ever doubting his devotion and love to me and our life, for the times that I have allowed Satan to get in my head and twist my thoughts and place motive where there was none. I am grateful for a man who is not perfect and doesn't expect me to be.
3. I can not adequately express what having Jesus in my life means to me. I am so broken and weak...I have sinful desires and evil thoughts...I do not always choose the high road. Allowing myself to die to myself and choose to live in obedience is a freedom that I do not know what I would do without. The idea that He chose to lay down His life for me? To give up everything for a sheep that's prone to wander? It blows my mind. He is always there and He never fails. At the deepest and darkest moments in my life-He is there. I never face things alone and when I feel like I am alone then it is simply because I am not tapped into my power source. It is because I am choosing to be a baby and throw a tantrum and pity party. I do this much more than I wish I did. I can't stop seeking Him. Can't stop following fast after Him because when I do...everything falls apart. I want to encourage others to stay in their Word. To stop proclaiming to be a believer in Christ when they do not desire to live obediently to His word.
4. I do not understad why people who say they are believers post such angry, hateful things on websites like facebook/twitter/etc. Jesus's message is clear. Love. Love the Lord and love others. It is especially distressing when it's not an opinion about a situation they experienced or a person they know...but a blanket statement about people who are liberal, or republican, or homosexual, or homeless, or a teen mom, or an illegal immigrant...why? How is that bringing glory to the Kingdom? How is that representing Christ well? I try to use all of those statements and idealogies to cement my deep desire to give Him everything and allow Him to transform my heart and soul to match His. I pray that I continue to learn and re-learn that I need to always return to love and allow that to rule my life and pattern my behavior.
5. When you see the world with a broken heart...everything changes.
6. Being a Christian does not equal republican. Being a minority does not equal democratic.
7. I have been gone from Elmbrook for 6 months this Friday. I continue to be amazed at how God released me from there, just as smoothly as He brought me there. Sometimes I want to cry when I think of just how He worked every little detail. I struggled greatly to remain obedient to His leading and His timing. My dear friend was right. You will have treasured sweet memories and anything else will fade away.
8. Can't do anything but praise His name. Man God is good.
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