Looking back

Why do we look back?


I understand that there are can be a few important reasons....
We have hurts and traumas to heal and learn from.
We have unfinished business that was never addressed and needs to be.
We have consequences from a decision that causes us to deal with the past.


But other than that??? Why do we look back?


Think about it.  We see memes and hear quotes that talk about worrying about tomorrow....if we focus on the future we are robbed of our present....live in the now. But, I think the same is true for the past.

That job we didn't get.
That decision we made that we regret.
That girl that made us feel special.
That boy that made us giggle.
The person we were.

None of that is healthy or productive for our present either.  Because what we normally do, is let our mind wander to what could have been.  And let our imagination focus on what we don't have, rather than appreciate what we do.


That job?  The reality is we don't have it. And yes that might stink, but focusing on that either steals joy from our current job if we have one....or it could rob us of productivity in job searching.


The decision?  We can't remake it.  So dwelling on why we didn't make a different choice does nothing for the here and now. We have to move beyond it to embrace what is now.


That girl?  Or that boy?  (or man or woman so as not to offend)  We can put false narratives in place of 'what could have been' and the 'one that got away'.  If we aren't in a relationship it can put us in a position of missing out on potential people in our current sphere or path.  If we are?  That's just trouble waiting to happen.  It can put us in a position of taking our significant other for granted, comparing them, focusing on the person in the past. We have to let it go. (insert Frozen music here)


And that person we were?  As we grow and change, learn and mature....don't we HOPE we aren't that person?  What if we think we were better then? It still doesn't serve purpose for today to dwell on it.  We want to actively be pursuing hopes, dreams, plans, goals that are current.  That are now.

There are so many things that work against this of course:


Our mind wanders. Just like our mind can cause worry for the future if we let it wander....it can paralyze us when we wander to the past.  Not saying this is all bad because it can help us make wiser choices...but if we wander to the point that we lose direction and focus for now and obsess about what could have been, that isn't healthy.


Social media. We compare and contrast. Connect with people that without social media would not even be a part of our life now. Not saying this is all bad because it can help us network and it can be fun to see how our old friend's lives turned out...but if we wander to the point that we compare or daydream about how life 'could have been', that isn't healthy.


Attempting to go back. We can reopen doors that have been closed.  Trying to get a 'redo'.  There is something to be said for the good ol', "Try, try again".  But there's also something to be said for, 'That's not for you. It's time to move on." This can apply to all of the above...jobs, decisions, people, ourselves.  Not saying this is all bad again, because we don't want to give up too easy...but if we are always looking back or trying to actually going back and opening closed doors, that isn't healthy.

What if we put to rest the shoulda's, coulda's, woulda's....

I want to be about now.
I want to embrace today.


I desire to be fully present for my husband, my kids, my family and friends.
I desire to be fully present for my job...my participants and co-workers.
I desire to be fully present for myself.


Who's in?
That's what I got today.