Being a better human

I've been trying to figure out why the show 'This is Us' wrecks my soul so.  I initially wrote this last night after watching the show and then hit delete instead of post.  After long drawn out rambles I was likely too tired to even be up trying to write, but for me that it my sweet spot of creativity I've found.  But the sentiments were still swirling in my soul....so I decided to rewrite what I had wanted to share.

It's not a secret that I am an easy crier. From everything to my feelings being hurt to commercials to seeing random strangers crying. I make no apology for it anymore. But, people, I have UGLY cried weekly at this show. I have actually WOKEN my husband up from deep sleep because of my sobs. 

I haven't experienced many of the situations that the subject matter in the episodes cover...so I found myself after the show pondering what it might be that twists my heart up and causes it to swell so.

I think it's the real, raw, full love story that continues to unravel each week.

And the wonderful part is that it isn't a "love story" about a young couple and their undying love for each other. A romanticized version of love that makes us question the real love we are experiencing in our lives.

It's an every angle, deep in the crevices of your heart kind of love.

Parental. Sibling. Marital. Self.

The heartache and torment of difficult choices being made and not knowing if it's the right thing.
The joy and exhilaration of decisions and dreams coming to fruition.
The tender and gentle connection of people who understand each other.
A love that covers deep hurts and uncovers tremendous hope.

And I'm a sucker for love.

If you've never seen the show or are binge watching it to catch and see what the hoopla is about, I won't go into details of any characters or story lines...but I do want to dissect this a little.

The marriages represented in this show are real and hard and honest. They don't paint a picture that every argument ends sweetly or that there aren't doubts. Yet there is representation of everything we should strive to be about....forgiveness, grace, patience, fun, friendship.  It's compelling to watch because it is so true to life of the complicated beautiful mess marriage is.

The parents don't make all of the right decisions. Heck--some of the situations are beyond jacked up.  But they love their children and devote themselves to creating a future for them. For encouraging them. Flawed and fallen.

The siblings are connected in such a wonderful way. And I love that the writers write their relationships  in real ways. They siblings hurt each other's feelings, they stick up for each other, they have hidden sibling secrets that bind them, they have the same memories but from different perspective, they are close and yet individual.

Each character is on a journey of self love. Finding out who they are and continuing to reach for their truth. There is reflection and hope. There is struggle and pain. They fail. They get back up.

It is all of the lovely things.  And all of the awful.
The beautiful mess that we are. The way we hurt each other. And the way we forgive.
The lies and demons we face. The way we conquer them.
It is humanity.
And because I love humanity so...it wrecks me to my core.

So when I watch it...and enjoy the writing and directing and acting....which are top notch by the way...I also experience it.

It makes me want to be a better wife, mother, sister, person.
It makes me want to be a better human.
I want to love and understand my husband more deeply.
I want to love and guide my children more honestly.
I want to love and encourage my sister more frequently.
I want to love and respect myself more openly.

And before all of the Christians in my sphere of influence report me to the 'authorities' that I'm learning about being a human from something other than Jesus and the good book...please know that I fully believe God loves me, Jesus died for me and learning to live and love like Him is paramount in my life. I am written on the palm of his hand.

But I also believe that He can use things in our daily lives to open our eyes...and our hearts to His amazing love and grace.  Even a TV show.  And for that I'm grateful.

That's what I got today.