I'm Tired. But.....

I'm tired.

This morning my husband and I got up to have breakfast with our sons at 8am. Not super early. We didn't go to bed super late. Ran an errand or two and dropped my husband off at the track meet. Since I don't have to be there until later, I came over to the Caribou by campus to lounge for a bit before heading back to the school. And as I'm sitting here watching the young college folks come and go, study and laugh, move with quickness I realized....I'm tired.

Not necessarily like I need more sleep tired. And not necessarily like #45 has me drained tired.  (although on any given day those things might be true) But in a what am I actually accomplishing kind of tired.

Truth be told, this is a slippery slope for me. It can mean the start of a snowball affect to a dark place of 'why are we here' or 'does anything even matter'. That is not good or healthy and as many of you know I've spent decades getting the right mix of medication to combat that.

But.

If I'm able to stay on the cliff, peering over at the tiredness and what is propelling it....it allows me time to reflect on what truly is, where good is and restores a hope in me that puts me back on solid footing facing what's to come with renewed energy. I can see past the ugly to what might be.

There is definitely enough ugly in the world to go around. People lying, dying....pain and destruction....hate that permeates a soul and seeps into society....abandonment and judgement....opinions based on nothing but ignorance. And in a tired place that can become so overwhelming. I mean how does one person tackle that?  It seems too simple and almost a cop out to say, 'Well you can't change the world-there's only 24 hours in a day-you can only focus on who is in front of you.'  That may definitely be the case at times. And there is nothing wrong with operating that way-because that is important too. But if you think of all great social movements that have changed our reality....there are always folks in the mix who are consumed with the whole. And not just the individual. There has to be those thinking big picture; those carrying the weight.

Slaves aren't free focusing only on the individual.
Women aren't voting focusing only on the individual.
Same sex marriages aren't legal focusing only on the individual.

As I'm peering over the cliff today...

I'm tired of hearing talk about a wall that people think will keep us safe.
I'm tired of seeing us not supporting others around us that need our help.
I'm tired of knowing there are some who won't have food tomorrow.
I'm tired...

What holds me over that cliff?  And then pulls me back?

The people I see around me who are interested in learning more about those who aren't like them.
The people I see who are brave to tell their stories knowing they might be met with hate.
The people I know who are ready and willing to roll up their sleeves and do the hard work of caring.


The sociologist in me battles between the one and the whole. Because the whole has always been mine. This is who I am. I am weary and tired at times, but by making sure I have adequate breaks and self care, I am able return to that focus and refreshment I spoke of earlier. And I am very blessed to have a wonderful support system who checks on me and reminds me to care for myself.  So I take a deep breath and close my eyes. And I open them with a heart even more ready to hold the heavy weight and burden of others.

That might not be you. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Then you can focus on the one. And that is so so vital. The one that needs you. Engage with your community and sphere of influence and become a part of someone's support system. And I challenge you look beyond your own little family. They are important--of course they are. But you are their built in support system. Place yourself into the support system of someone who doesn't have one. (PS. This doesn't necessarily mean poor people here. Think of the college student without encouragement, the co-worker with nowhere to go for the holidays.)

Imagine a world where there was no fringe. Where everyone had a place to sleep, a plate to eat and someone to care that they were there.  Can you see it?

We can be tired.  But we can't stay there.  The one and whole need us.
Who and how are you going to support today?  
And maybe it's just living out loud, choosing to exude love.
Sometimes you never know who are you are reaching and how it will affect their day.

That's what I got today.