Hope and Perseverance.

I've been thinking a lot about hopelessness. And perseverance. And how they are linked in deeper ways then I think I ever really knew.

The other day in a meeting with a family.....much tension--a 14 year old who runs away, puts herself in harms way--has deep dark demons of the horrific things she has seen and experienced, a mom at her wits end with her own demons whispering in her ear....yet a love for each other so deep.

The youth has this tough shell and you can tell she is just through with everyone telling her what to do and telling how things are.The mom sounds so cold and callous that you almost wonder has she given up?

And I ask the mom, 'What's your biggest fear?'

And she shares that her biggest fear is so very real that she just recently purchased life insurance for her daughter....her biggest fear is that her daughter is going to die before she sees 20.

Before. She. Sees. 20.

And she breaks. And her daughter?  Her daughter responds, 'I probably will be, but you know what? What does it matter, that's what everyone my entire has been telling me anyway.'

What the fuck kind of world have we created where 14 year old girls have no hope that they will live past 20?

Another day in another meeting with another family.....much tension--a 6 year old who bites and hits, steals and lies--has deep dark demons of the horrific things she has seen and experienced, a dad at his wits end with his own demons whispering in his ear....yet a love for each other so deep.

And I ask the dad, "What's your biggest fear?"

And he shares that his biggest fear is that he'll find out the truth of what he believes happened to her, while on a visit at her mom's house and that he won't be able to help her or face it and they'll drown in the pain.

And the daughter, she responds by saying, 'I just like hugging and doing bad. I don't know why. I wanna do good but it's like I can't.'

What the fuck kind of world have we created where 6 year old girls have had to live and experience monstrosities?

It's why I get so up in arms about jack asses that want to spout out shit about the city, and minorities (ps. one of these families is white) and horrible parents and absent daddies and judge and condemn and put up their noses.  You are them and they are you.

And think that they have no concerns about this....like...
'hey sorry they don't have their shit together'
'hey, 'merica's great again so shut up'
'hey, we all got problems'

It's overwhelming right?
It's enough to make you feel hopeless for sure.

And if I sometimes feel hopeless? How the hell am I supposed to help inspire hope into other's lives?

Which leads me to perseverance.

The definition is steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

Steadfastness. Deep difficulty. Delay.

Having forward movement isn't necessary. And might not be happening. And you can still be persevering.  I might argue that is the only time you are ever are.

When you are moving forward, and it's difficult and there's delay, but there's movement....that's great. You keep going.

But when you are stuck. And there's no movement. And there's no change. And you keep going?

That's perseverance.

And I looked at that 14 year old and I said, 'But you're here. And you came to this meeting. And  you didn't have to. And you are strong and able to do great things, and you've lived through hard things. And you can wake up tomorrow and we're all here to help support you as you figure out why you want to.'

And I looked at that 6 year old and I said, 'I'm not sure either. Sometimes I don't do the right things. Everyone does bad stuff. And maybe there's a reason we don't know yet about why making good choices is hard for you and maybe we can find someone you can trust that you might like to tell

to help you figure it out.'

I normally cling to hope. 

And when I feel myself starting to drift to hopelessness...then I know it's time to self check. Time to rest. Time to regroup and refocus because I am being lazy about persevering.

Steadfastness. Firm and unwavering.

Difficult. Needing effort to accomplish,deal with or understand.

Delay. Late and postponed.

We gotta affect the world around us.

Those with hope?  We have to persevere. 

Because while you persevere?  

I wanna be right next to you persevering too.

I don't know another way.

That's what I got today.