Some days are harder than others
when you see that look in other's eyes
That look that is hard to explain
to someone
who might not know
who doesn't see
what you see
but you know when you know.
So this basketball tourney
Had me feeling that way
With teams from the city
as well as around the way
The white people stare
just a little bit longer
Wrinkle their noses
And give
that look.
But surrounded by folks who don't believe
the look is real
I mean get out of your feelings
don't you know that color doesn't
matter
and people are just people
and if you always make it
about race
it's you.
not them.
So my son might seem safe
in a school where he's one of a few
black kids on the team
with all the white parents who love
them so.
and don't know the look.
But as we approach the next court
i see in the ref
that look.
up and down.
unsettled.
toward my son
who is loud and funny
full of spirit and fire
he backs down for noone
and he likes that just fine.
and i know that he knows
the look oh so well
he's in 8th grade and wise
he doesn't pretend.
The game begins.
every foul is his.
and i see this ref muttering
narrowing his eyes
and his gaze
does not deviate
as my son begins to dominate
and his whistle can't
blow fast enough
My son does his thing
but i am watching the ref
watch my son
and i am waiting.
Because now every foul
comes with a lecture
My son turns it up
Because that is his nature
He's tossing up 3's
since he's making a few
And I hear the rumbles
of parents beginning to wonder
why does that ref
seem to just not like my son.
A dad gets upset that he keeps
talking to my son
And he's wondering out loud
what it's all about
I try to explain
What I think it's is
but of course
that's too much,
of course that's not it.
but it's escalating
and my son is getting mad
i know his body language
i know when it's bad
Then the whistle blows and
he runs to my son
he's muttering something and
then starts to run
to the scorekeepers table
and my son is pissed
as he runs to the bench
I start to get up
they bought to learn today
but a dad steps in and tells me to stay
(believe that's another story for another day)
But i'm much too pissed so i let him go
and 'save the day'
My son looks at me
and i know.
i don't need that dad
having his 'man to man'
with the referee
to come back and tell me
what he 'discovered' just now
cuz my sons know the look
and they know that i know
So it seems
that all through the game
when my son gets a 3
he put up his hands
maybe you've seen it
in the NBA?
index finger to thumb
and a bump to the chest?
So the referee tells my son
'Hey, no gang signs in here.'
And my son told him that
he didn't know what he was talkin 'bout.
This went on a few more times until the last straw
When he kicked my son out of the game
for refusing to stop
putting up the gang signs
that were not.
So i ask this dad
what did he say
and he said that he told the ref
Oh know, i know that kid
and he's not that way
but he understands his perspective
and can appreciate.
My eyes met my sons.
and i looked to the dad,
and all the other folks up in the stands.
'Yea that doesn't cut it.
Not what I'm about.
Ya'll can think what you want
I already know what it's about.
So I find who's in charge
and give them the info
Then i get back in the gym.
And confront the ref
with many of the parents
giving disapproving looks
why am i so so much
why can't i leave well enough alone
I mean really,
can't we all just get along.
No we can't.
because my son knows that look
and he knows that i know
and it's my job to step up
so that he can always believe
that we don't let the look slide
we face every stage
And even when alone
we are alone but brave.
I don't know if that day
more people could see
that the look is real
and maybe believe.
I no longer worry
about what you believe
about the look
or me
doing the most
It might not be the way for most
Some might prefer more tact and hope
that i would smile and take it in
and not assume the look is real.
I love all my kids
and i can tell you this
i best not ever see
that look on your face
cuz you won't be pleased.
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