It is a difficult job. And with all the experience and knowledge I bring from 20+ years in a variety of social service jobs, it might be the most intimate and difficult. We are with families---in the midst of crisis--entering their lives to help them figure out how to get it back on track---without taking control or telling them this is the RIGHT way to do it.
Because, in reality, the program believes, and quite honestly I do personally believe, that there is no RIGHT way.
Most jobs that I've worked---from a residential home for developmentally delayed adults in the early 90s to W2 and foodshare in the late 90s to independent living for aging out foster youth in the early 2000s to a women and family short term shelter in the 2010s---all have led me to dispel misconceptions of others. This job is no different.
Any of the families that I work with could be your family. Could be my family. There is no special recipe of disaster that crisis or breakdown from mental health issues or trauma.
They are not with us because they are criminals.
They are not with us because they are not trying.
They are not with us because they are abusers.
They are not with us because they are hateful.
They are not with us because they are addicts.
They are not with us because they are unworthy.
Their common denominator is that there is a mental health or behavioral health diagnosis and as a cause it is affecting an area of the youth's life. Education, socialization, family life, their health and well-being.
Your family. My family.
It's so easy to judge.
Why don't they get a job.
Why don't they finish school.
Why don't they set them straight.
Why don't they
Why don't they
Why don't they.....
They are we.
Why don't we help.
Why don't we see.
Why don't we love.
Believe me, there are days when I can see the breakdown of a family blow up right before my eyes.
A mom losing her cool and cussing out her daughter and all of us before walking out of a meeting because the truth is too hard to face.
A son showing out in court because he has to go to detention again for his anger, but anger is all he knows.
A dad who hasn't been involved-for a dozen different reasons-wanting to reconnect but nobody trusts that he means it this time.
A little girl getting suspended again for bullying, yet to her it's her only way to interact because the abuse she experienced has her so numb.
I just keep reminding myself....if I become weary from engaging with this familes life....how weary they must be from living it. And many of the things they are experiencing, I've experienced. As a teen not being understood. As a young mom feeling lost. As a parent wondering if you've done all you can. Letting anger get the best of me. Hanging onto hurts. Pretending.
The truth is that
Sometimes situations suck.
Sometimes we are pissed.
Sometimes it is too much.
Sometimes it is our fault.
And while there is no RIGHT way to do it...there are right things we can practice doing.
Forgive.
Set boundaries.
Love.
Because another misconception is that the families I work with are a lost cause. That they will always be fractured and overwhelmed. That the mental health, behavioral concerns and trauma will forever permeate their ability to function in healthy and positive ways.
But.
Through forgiveness they, like all of us, can be released from the ugly that comes from holding on. From reliving and reminding. From being free.
Through boundaries they, like all of us, can have control over what they allow in their lives. We are only bound by what we allow. We make those choices.
Through love they, like all of us, can find restoration, acceptance, self worth. We can see glimpses of goodness, light and hope.
Who do you need to forgive today?
Where do you need to set boundaries?
How can you be about love?
Because, dear one, you are they.
That's what I got today.
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