Don't talk about it. Be about it.

So this past month I had kind of a special thing happen.  An article that I wrote was published in a magazine. I say special carefully because I really do cherish that word.  Special is a word I reserve for amazing heart touching things....like holding your child for the first time.  Like feeling a cool breeze you know was intended just to settle your spirit. Like seeing a family reunite at the airport.


How and why would I put something as selfish as being authentically happy in the same category as those things? Well....


I love to write.  And when I'm disciplined I write quite often.  What I'm thinking, what's in my heart, what I see.  Even.  Well this will sound bizarre I'm sure, but I'm often writing in my head.  Kind of like Wonder Years where there's a monologue of prose ongoing?  Yeah, that. 


And not in a boastful way, but I've been told that people enjoy my writing.  That I should write more.  That they would read a book if I wrote it.  It certainly feels good.  But after time and time again of trying to 'force' myself to write, I know that none of that is reason enough to write.  That doesn't cause me to write. 


And having something to say, isn't really reason enough to write.  I mean, we all have something to say---don't we?  It's just whether or not we exercise our ability to say it.  And sometimes, what I have to say...isn't very uplifting or encouraging....is probably too raw and honest to see in print and so then NOT writing is actually a better choice.


So I've been praying.  And seeking.  And reading.  And asking.  In the midst, from MAJOR encouragement from an old friend and my husband, I followed through on a first writing 'ask' and ended up in Children's Ministry Magazine.  Because this old friend knew I would have something to offer for this writing task....she helped to orchestrate the ask, which led to my accepting the opportunity to write.  And my husband?  Toward the deadline...when I was dawdling....hemming and hawing about finishing...he basically just said, 'Do this.'   So I did.


And the feeling in my heart when I opened the magazine and saw the article?  I can't quite explain it.   And it didn't even matter if nobody ever read it. It represented so much to me.  Obedience.  Discipline. Expression. Self care. Following through on a dream.  I really do desire to write a book for moms.  I don't know entirely what that looks like. 


And so.  I've determined that in order for writing to happen, I have to give myself opportunity to write.  My season of life doesn't allow for a lot of margin.  But I have it.  And I need to be intentional about creating space to write.  I told my bible study ladies that I'm challenging myself to identify a time each week where I must write.  And then I'm going to write it in my calendar as an appointment.  So it doesn't fall to the wayside.  So I can't easily say, 'I'll do it tomorrow.'  And the next time we meet they get to hold me accountable to AT LEAST have identified the time.  (I move slow people.)  This is going to be difficult for me.  Because I enjoy doing for others and struggle with doing for self.  So to make this an ongoing thing will be hard, but I'm an all or nothing person so I do believe the 'writing appointment' is how it's going to happen.


My husband and I tell our kids often, Don't talk about it.  Be about it.  That's what I want to do here.  Be about it.  So.  The only way to be about it.  Is to "do".  So I'm gonna do.  And we'll see what happens.


Special.


So that's what I got today.