This morning I am enjoying the house to myself. All children and hubby are off involved in some kind of activity away from home and so I asked if anyone cared whether or not I just sat at home. Yay. It's these quiet kind of mornings that this season of life doesn't afford me often...but so help me keep a calm that doesn't come naturally to me.
So I sit down to watch a couple of episodes of Our America with Lisa Ling. I love people, even though they often frustrate me. I love learning about why they live how they do, where they draw their lines in the sand and how they view and filter the world around them. I think it's part of what draws me to this show. Whether or not I agree with how someone is living their life, raising their children...there are times that I might find myself having very strong opposition to something that I see or having a strong reaction to it. This is usually a conviction of my own self. That happened this morning.
While watching an episode about pageant families I found myself becoming irritated and sad whenever one of the moms was on screen. Trying to figure out why I was having such a strong response I realized what it was about. The father had made it clear that he did not approve of this and that he didn't want his daughter to be a part of it and the mom basically just totally ignored his comments/opinion and went ahead and kept planning/preparing, etc. for the pageant.
When have I been that wife? Ladies, when have we chosen to ignore and disrespect our husbands?
Believe this. I am not talking about abuse and domination situations. As I've shared, I was in an abusive relationship and so I know that there are many other issues going on in those relationships.
But if I'm honest. Then there are many times that I've disrespected him through ignoring his viewpoint, rolling my eyes that he doesn't "get it" or simply circumvented him entirely by leaving him out of plans--especially things to do with the kids or the house. This is something that as a strong, independant woman happened often when we first got married. I'm much more conscious of it now and so quite honestly, I was suprised at how strongly I reacted. Because I realized what a long way I have to go. And I could almost hear God said, 'Got off your knees, huh?'
I love when God does that. Takes an area where I might start to feel self-righteous, like I've conquered shortcomings and then rips it wide open and reminds me...uh, yea, about that.
Oh, it's easy to justify. It's all around us. On TV, magazines, movies...relationships around us. But it's not an excuse because I know better. And when I stray from that. Then that's MY problem, my issue. Not his. And as a strong woman? It is wayyyy too easy to pass the buck.
If he didn't...
Well, he nevers...
But he always...
If I don't then...
Can you believe....
I know that...
I want him to...
He needs to...
Shame on us. Shame on me.
Marriage is hard. Being with a person for the rest of your life is hard. And there is great truth to respect and love. It's biblical. Men have a desire to be respected. Women have a need to be loved. This is not to say that men don't need love or women don't need respect. But innately, at the core, most men feel loved when they are respected. Most women feel respected if they are loved.
And I show such great disrespect when I circumvent his opinion, his involvement. Even over little things. And I do nothing to grow close to him when I focus on all of the ways he's not doing, being, acting as I'd like. Like a friend once told me...try for one week to not focus on how he's not meeting your needs but instead worry only about meeting his needs. When I am feeling frustrated or angry with my husband in general...THIS is usually where I need to start.
He is not perfect. And showing him respect as the leader of our home doesn't mean that he isn't accountable for his sin, behavior. To me, it means I am going to stand by him even then. I do not always behave in loveable ways. But I expect and hope that he is still going to love me. Why do we feel that respect is different?
I love my husband and I want him to know that I respect him. I would never want to disregard his thoughts or opinions because I think that I am 'right' or know better. I'm thankful that this morning I had opportunity to process through all of this and remind me what kind of wife I'm called to be. Kinda crazy that a tv show about pageant kids took me there. But that's the way it goes sometimes.
That's what I got today.
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