Being in therapy can be exhausting.

I am not feeling well today and I have a headache on ten. I have therapy in a bit and while I normally look forward to it (I kind of like having my insides ripped right out of me...lol) Today I am kind of dreading it because I know I do not feel 'up to par'. 

Will this affect the what I share? 
Will this affect how I process what I hear?
Will this affect my desire to participate?

Regardless of the answers, I am going. I know it's something that I need and it's not like I'm on my death bed or in the hospital.  So even though part of me would really rather go home and take a nap I am going and going to do my best to be fully present.  It is necessary even if I'm not quite feeling it.


Here's what struck me about that.


How often do I not push forward in other areas when I'm not quite 'feeling it'??


I think of all of the different aspects of life...and all of the different pieces of my day and life.  There are plenty of times I let 'not quite feeling it' affect not just my participation.  It's like if I can't give it 'my best' then I don't push through.

I struggle with that if I'm honest because I can be a perfectionist. And giving half assed effort makes my skin crawl. So I think to combat that...I just don't give any effort or I give 450% effort.  Neither is healthy really.

So today. I'm going to therapy. And I'm going knowing that I will just be. Half assed and all.  And it will be ok.  And it will be accepted.

I want to bring that into other aspects of my life. Trusting and knowing that it will be ok and it will be accepted. And if it's not....well, that's not my problem. 

I especially want to remember to bring this into my faith walk with Jesus.  I don't want to dip out on Him because I'm not feeling 'up to par'.

I don't have to be perfect for Jesus. In fact, my most transforming moments have occurred when I am most definitely not perfect.

I don't have to have it all together for Jesus. In fact, my most honest moments with him have been when I definitely do not have it all together.

I don't even need to be 'feeling it' for Jesus. He takes the broken, wounded, tattered bits of my heart and soul and accepts them for what they are.  And He considers them worthy.  And He considers me beautiful.

So I'm going to do that. 

That's what I got today.