Stories from a Momma Bear #6

My sons now are men
They are finding their way
We've done our best to prepare them
But I still remember the day

That the FIRST call came (it would come again)
They were just wee little ones
But still with contempt she said
'Your sons keep on fighting
Get them to stop if  you would.'

So we sat down to talk
Make wise choices-walk away
But that's quite hard to do
Being called n***a every day.

Have you told a teacher?
have you let them know?
You might hope they hadn't
But we knew that they had
Even at 5 and 6 they'd been taught their worth
They'd already been called that word...
More than they should.

The problem becomes
Not just that it's said
but that when it's known
Nothing is done.

Thus began a regular fight
Here come the Pitchford's
I'm gonna need you to get right.
Not just the boys
but Daddy and Momma Bear too.
Just so you know we aren't taking your shit
Soooo

They aren't going to be suspended
And they aren't staying in
Unless you begin

To handle this hate
To deal with the truth
That using that word
Carries some weight
And if you say it enough
You might not be safe.

And the ugly truth
Is there's still much to teach
Because you can't stop that word
It just flows from some people

But as a parent you can demand
That they listen
They watch
And then they act
Because yes there's great teachers
But there are also
Those who deep down inside
Might be saying that word
They just know to hide
The hate that they feel
Or might not even  know
They carry it around
And sometimes let show.

So it's always our job
While they are still in our care
To teach and to guide them
But remember that
We can't always protect
Those wee little ones especially
As they begin to leave our sight
As they grow and become

Young women and men
Then adults on their own
And that word
Still there
Continues to flow

So while I'm teaching mine to
Walk away-take a breath
And to remember that they are often
being watched and often
Won't get the benefit of the doubt
I need you to teach yours
To keep that word out their mouth

Arizonas, Hoodies and Skittles.

'If I had a son...'

President Barack Obama took 2 minutes to answer a question about his thoughts on the Trayvon Martin case in March 2012.

And all the white people lost their shit.


Even white people you thought wouldn't. I've never unfriended and been unfriended on social media by so many people before or since.


Conservative media, news sources and all the 'jump on the bandwagon' folks tried to say:

that he bought Arizona and skittles because he was going to make 'lean'.
that he was a thug (aka n---a) because he posted a picture flipping the bird and wearing a grill.
that he was a delinquent because he had been suspended for having some marijuana.
that his hoodie was as much to blame as George Zimmerman's gun.
that there were no issues in Sanford.

It was not uncommon for me to have arguments that I had to step away from because of the justification for reasons he was killed:

about how it was dark and rainy and he had his hands in his pockets.
about how he looked older than 17.
about how he should have just stopped and spoke to George Zimmerman.
about how he didn't live there-he was only visiting.
about how it was raining.

For those that don't remember...or whose privilege allowed them to have their head in the sand...the national uproar came initially because of how long it took them to arrest George Zimmerman.

Trayvon was killed on February 26th, 2012.
The arrest did not come until April 11th, 2012.

I worked with pretty much all conservative white people at the time. I did not have the same point of view as many of my co-workers. And I remember as I would post articles or newsclips....as I would lament for Trayvon's family....as I would try to have conversations about my feelings...a very common response was that....

this wouldn't happen to your kids...
you have good kids....
there's obviously more to the story....
you weren't there....

But

It definitely could...
That doesn't matter...
There might not be...
I didn't need to be to believe....


And I grew tired. Tired of having the same old conversation.  Tired of being reminded of how extreme the gap was that existed. Tired of having to explain.

It was the start of my decision that I no longer cared to try and reach people with racist ideology by trying to 'meet them halfway' by trying to 'understand their point of view' by trying to explain for the 100th time why I felt the way I did and so I wasn't going to try to.  I'm not saying I won't speak up if I see and hear racist shit...I'm not saying I might not tell you about yourself....but you can't say something like 'White people are oppressed' and then have a conversation with me.

I don't know if this is right or wrong.
I just know it is what is for me.

Sitting down to dialogue with someone who is realizing that inequity is real or who has questions about my experience as a wife to a black man and mother to black sons in this day and age is one thing.  I hope that when I share my heart...it makes people stop and think.  I hope it leads to asking questions. I love having those conversations.

but I have no desire to debate that which is my experience...my husband's experience...my son's experience....with someone who

'has a black co worker'
'slept with a black guy once'
'has a black friend'
'read an article about racism'

or just

'wishes we wouldn't make it about color'
'doesn't see color'
'would rather focus on the good stuff''
'thinks I'm exaggerating'

I am a sociology major partly because I wanted to get out of school quickly and didn't want to wait for the classes needed to be a social work major.  But also?  Because I love people. I love humanity. I love what makes a community tick and what makes it break down.  I love discovering patterns of society, how social norms influence growth and how social factors affect us (like race, age, gender, etc.)  This has always driven me. And likely will continue to.

I remember that day. Hearing about and then reading about Trayvon Martin.  Seeing my own sons...who often wore hoodies....who drank Arizon's....who sometimes walked home.

And I wept.

Because I do have a son.
And he could be Trayvon.
And George Zimmerman's lurk everywhere.

I just don't understand.

I just don't understand.

Black people just living

but Becky's gotta call the cops

I mean how is it possible 

Some don't see that it should stop.

Mexicans are rapists

and illegal-build that wall

Yet other countries' entering doesn't seem

to bother 'merica at all

Our president is filthy

ugly and full of lies

Yet Jesus lovers quickly 

defend him and consider him wise.

Women who've been assaulted

Mistreated and abused

are still seen as asking for it

we are so backwards and confused.

People care who other's marry

whether others sit or stand to pee

They think it is their business

and they can tell others how to be

Families in need are judged

for what they need

But if someone decides to give

post that picture if you please.

  

Racism runs rampant

and ignorance, it's growing

People look at others with hate

They don't care if it's showing

I just don't understand.

And just when i'm about

to lose all faith 

in humanity

the beauty of people

filled with abandon and love

draws me in.

A conversation with friends

full of laughter and tears

A grandiose gesture

that covers a need

Questions then listening

to better comprehend

An honest desire to 

follow Jesus

An open and kind 

outstretched hand.

So even though i don't understand

and likely never will

I cling to every little bit

of HOPE that there is.

My dad.

So my dad.

He really might be one of the best humans ever.

When I was little my dad was like a super hero. He was strong and brave. He was fun and silly. He was tough and sensitive.  My dad made funny faces. He talked in different voices. He pretended to be different characters like Little Boy Jackson and the Hulk. I remember once he actually tore off one of his t-shirts for effect with my cousins. We watched scary movies together and man could he dance! (still can) He worked hard and my sister and I had him wrapped around our finger.  I could share story after story of him being there. Of him stepping up. Of him exuding love and laughter.  From his forgetfulness to his devotion....he does everything larger than life.

I didn't know the things I would find out later. That his life wasn't easy like he worked hard to make mine. That he enlisted so his brothers wouldn't have to and was sent to Vietnam to proudly fight in a war only to return to hate. That he made mistakes and got in trouble. That his heart was broken.  That he almost didn't make it.

Finding those things out as I got older and could understand more only made me love him more.  He fought back against the darkest demons that haunt someone who has seen what he's seen so that he could live a full and free life....so that he could love.

He is honor embodied. And I am so thankful he's my daddy.

To be.

It's so easy to look at someone else

And to think you know their story.

It's so easy to look at yourself

And pretend what is...is not.

It's like we learn at a young age

To act right

To look good

To do it all

To make it count

And I'm not even sure 

Those messages are fully harmful

But I know we must also

Remind each other 

to be mindful

That acting right can be wrong

When you are having to fake it

That looking good does not matter

If you aren't feeling good

You can't do it all without

Losing some along the way

And you can't make it count

when you can't make it.

But dear one

In the midst of 

claiming your truth

Of proclaiming it's okay

to not be okay,

Don't neglect

to care for yourself

to get your rest

take your medicine

or see your doctor. 

Please take the time

That you need.

To be.

Because we need you to be.

Love love.

What if we only loved?
What if we stepped up and
stood for the love that we
love to receive?
But often choose not to give?
And how do i love
those that don't love me?
That dismiss and seek
to destroy
me, my lot, my people?
Can I love
Love

without pretending
without malice
without descending
into a place
where
love is really
just hate dressed up
to look good
and sound nice

If we only loved
we might need to
set aside
the people and places
that
we can't waste energy on
for everyone and everything
is not mine
is not for
me, my lot, my people.
Can i love
Love

without deceiving
without contempt
without believing
it doesn't matter that
love is really
fake and forced
because we think we must
"be good"

I can love
what and who is in front
of me
and stand in the gap
when they don't have
their voice or
a place
to belong
when they don't know
their way or
a journey
to be on

I must love
so i don't
fall prey
to hate and bitterness
to the ugly
that exists all around
and seeps into
my heart and my mind
when i take my eyes
off of Love.
Love.

#letthemwalk

Today another blow came with regards to the graduation debacle with Waukesha School District. I found out that a student was sent an email by their teacher advising them that since some of their school fees were waived instead of 'paid', they were no longer eligible to purchase their iPAD from the school.

What.
The.
Hell?

How is that even a thing and why is it even a thing?  Also, when was this communicated to anyone?

I don't get a society that is okay with this.  I mean, I believe it. And I know that there are so many who think, here she goes again....blah blah blah....but I don't care.

I don't get it.

Please hear me. I know that the fees and debt exists. Getting Wisconsin to change how fees are assessed and why the fees are so high in some districts is another battle for another day. I understand that currently fees are high and they are the responsibility of the parents or guardians of graduating seniors.

Fine.

But how and why was that chosen to be used to deny students the privilege and honor of participating in their graduation ceremonies?  Of celebrating that day, despite their financial situation, with their peers and having the pride that comes from taking that tassle and crossing it over their cap?

Who.
The.
Hell?

Which school board members thought this was a good idea?  Who thought, 'I know how we can get those people to pay!!! Let's keep their kids not just from their diploma but also from their ceremony!'  Did someone actually think that suddenly a family struggling to pay their fees or catch up from fees that were behind===would say, 'Oh here's $500, I just didn't feel like paying it!'

No. If you don't have it, you don't have it. You can't get blood out of a turnip.  You not only have the stress of financial obligations you can't meet....now you have to explain to your child that they have to miss this celebration of their accomplishment!! Who of them sleeps at night?  They should all be ashamed.

Why.
The.
Hell?

So back to that email.  Why?  Why is that happening?  Those iPAD's are not the highest quality and some of the students actually have older models that aren't worth shit anyway. The student was given permission to purchase it for $25 at the end of the school year. Then, today, recieves an email that she no longer can because she had fees waived.  Why does a teacher know that anyway?  What happened to privacy?  Does staff need to know who has fees waived and who doesn't?

I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed in the district, in the school board.

I'm disappointed at how many people left comments on different social media posts talking about families who might owe fees.....

Calling them leeches.
Calling them welfare queens.
Calling them low lifes.
Calling them illegals.
Calling them thugs.
Calling them lazy.

and some of those people claim to be Christians.

No.

The message of Jesus is love. And doing for the least of these. And helping the powerless. Giving voice to the voiceless. Standing up for those that are unseen. Reminding the pharisees the error of their ways.

The seniors in Waukesha being denied this privilege needs to matter to you. I'm not saying that you need to donate (but it'd be great if you want to) but you do need to understand. And make others aware. And think about how this impacts a young life for the years to come.

Owing fees does not mean you are poor and indignant.
and it is not a reflection of some character flaw.
Just as having wealth is not a reflection of character.

I'm going to a graduation on June 9th, thanks to numerous people who helped make it possible. And I'm not going to shut up about how we can get many many more the same opportunity if we just keep spreading the word and donating!!!

https://www.gofundme.com/let-them-walk


#letthemwalk